Mis/adventures in Book Land

Why would you argue with me?

2011-11-10T14:33:00.002-05:00

Customer: I'm looking for the new Craig Oliver book.
Me: Sure. Oliver's Twist.
Customer: No. The new Biography.
Me: Craig Oliver's new biography is called Oliver's Twist.
Customer: No. The one that was just on Canada AM.
Me: Okay - I don't know what book it could be then. As far as I can tell there is only one Craig Oliver and his new biography is called Oliver's Twist. I'm sorry but I can't be much help if that's not the book you are looking for.
Customer: Fine I'll look someplace else.

Okay. You do that. Maybe someone at ultra-mega-super-mart where they sell everything cheap but don't have a clue about anything they sell can help you find the non existent book.

Yup. I'm Cranky today.

This is why real booksellers still have jobs

2011-10-07T10:55:00.004-04:00

Cust: My friend told me I have to read this book. She said it's the best thing she's ever read. It's a true story about a nun who has Siamese twins.
Me: Okay, did she give you the title?
Cust: I don't know what's it's called but everyone's reading it.
Me: Okay do you know anything else about it?
Customer: My friend just loves it. The title has the word glass in it.

Okay, I was able to guess what book it was. Vague plot references are my specialty I guess. It does prove that my rule still holds though, if the customer "knows" three things about a book they're looking for, at least two of those things will be wrong. :)

The book is about twins (but not conjoined twins) it is fiction (not a biography) and the title was Cutting for Stone (notice no glass in that title)

Seriously?

2011-09-15T13:46:00.004-04:00

Customer: Can I return this?

A man I've never seen before is standing there holding a game that we sell

Me: Sure, do you have the receipt?
Customer: Oh, I don't have a receipt. I won it as a door prize this weekend at the ********* fundraiser.
Me: You won it?
Customer: yup.
Me: And you want me to return it?
Customer: Yeah. I can't figure it out so it's no good to me.
Me: I'm afraid I can't return anything with out a receipt. Perhaps you could donate it to the Literacy Council or the Salvation Army or something?
Customer: But it came from here. It had your business card on it.
Me: That would be because we donated it to the *********. You can't return it. No one paid for it to begin with.
Customer: So you won't return it because I didn't buy it?
Me: That's generally how it works. That's why we need a receipt.
Customer: Your service sucks!

Why we bother to put up signs I don't know.

2011-08-26T10:35:00.003-04:00

We're getting ready to have an author in signing their book. We have a little area with a table and a comfy chair set up for him. There is a sign taped to the chair with the details of the signing which starts in less than half an hour.

A lady comes in and takes the sign off the chair and sits down with her coffee.

Co-worker: Excuse me, I'm sorry but can I get you to please move over to one of these other seats? This one is reserved for the author who is coming to sign in a few minutes.
Cust: Oh. Sorry I didn't realise.
Co-worker: (confused) but you moved the reserved sign that was taped to the chair?
Cust: Oh, is that what it was? I didn't actually READ it.

Yup. My forehead is starting to make a dent in my desk.

Do I look Untrustworthy?

2011-08-23T09:01:00.002-04:00

Cust: I have a book in, you guys called me.
Me: Oh ya, right here.
Cust: But I ordered two books.
Me: It looks we're still waiting on one.
Cust: But I ordered them at the same time.
Me: Sometimes that happens. Especially if they come from different publishers. We can wait to call until everything is in if you prefer. We usually like to let you know as soon as something is in in-case you needed it.
Cust: Fine. I'll this one then.
Me: We'll call you and let you know as soon a the other one arrives.

No problem right? Fairly standard customer interaction? Yup. Until a few minutes later she goes through the entire thing AGAIN with a co-worker.
I guess she didn't believe me?

Be Nice Or Leave.

2011-07-26T11:14:00.002-04:00

Co-worker: Good Morning
Customer: Hi there... the usual girl not in today?
Co-worker: ummm no, just me.
Customer picks up The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest
Customer: Do you have this in paperback?
Co-worker: No, it's not out yet.
Customer: Yes it is. I saw it at Wal-Mart
Co-worker: Mmmm, I'm pretty sure it's not out until September.
Customer: Do even you know how to work that thing? (gesturing toward the computer)
Co-worker: Yes I do.

What I would have liked to say to this guy:
Unless Wal-Mart printed their own bootlegged copies you didn't see it there in paperback. Perhaps you were in another country? On crack? Or Magic Mushrooms? Also, please tell me where you work so I can go there and act like a jerk and question whether you know how to do your job....

A Public Service Announcement?

2011-07-12T18:22:00.004-04:00

I was informed by a member of our staff today:

If we can hear your car stereo from INSIDE the store when you're driving by you're not cool. We just think you're REALLY compensating for something....

She's one of those young pretty types that you boys with the loud cars are trying to impress as you cruise by... Just say'n.

Only 3 years later....

2011-07-11T10:34:00.000-04:00

An apropos time to re-feature a post that generated a ton of traffic at the time.
By the way - It's really and truly coming tomorrow. As promised.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

You'd think the author would know

Customer: Do you have A Dance With Dragons by George R.R. Martin?
Me: No. I'm afraid it's still not out yet.
Customer: Yes it is. It came out last week.
Me: I know a lot of places had last week's date out there but it's not out yet. It's not even done being written yet.
Customer: You don't know what you're talking about. It's out.
Me: I was just on his website because I'm kind of a fan and I'm waiting for it too and he said he's still not done.
Customer: It's out. I know it is.
Me: Okay, well you go look for it someplace else then. We don't have it. Although, we will, as soon as it's actually out.

I'm getting a bruise on my forehead again. Why do people think that we would lie to them about something like this? Oh and I guess the author was either lying or doesn't know his own book is done. Uh Huh.

Another reason we're not the library

2011-07-06T15:12:00.003-04:00

All the stores in our downtown, like every other downtown I've ever been to, have apartments above the main floor stores. Once in a while you can hear something from them, vacuuming and things that get dropped are the most common. It's by no stretch loud however.

Customer: What's that sound?
Me: It sounds like one of the people in the apartments upstairs are vacuuming.
Customer:Oh, can you ask them to stop?
Me: Um... not really.
Customer: Well it's bothering me.
Me: I'm sorry about that. There really isn't anything I can do about it. I imagine that they'll be done in a couple of minutes though.
Customer: Well, they really should know better than to make noise when you're open. You're a BOOKSTORE you know.

Whoa Nelly. I'm sure glad I never lived in the apartment above this guy. At least he knows what we sell though!

That and we have "books" in the store name...

2011-06-30T10:34:00.000-04:00

I look up to find a lady pressing her face against the glass of our front door. A few minutes later she comes in.

Me: Hello.
Lady: I'm just trying to find out what kind of store this is.
Me: We're a book store.
Lady: Oh.
Me:Let me know if I can help you find anything.
Lady: That explains the books in the windows and stuff.
Me: Yup.
Lady: Oh. Okay. Thanks.

I think we should change the store's name to Harry's Small Appliance Sales or something maybe THEN people will come in assuming we sell books?

Holy deja vu Batman!

2011-06-23T10:58:00.002-04:00

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Times they are a chang'n

Older Woman: I'd like to speak to your boss dude.
Me: Umm? I don't have a boss dude.
Older Woman: (Snotty)You don't have a manager?
Me: No. I'm the manager.
Older Woman: I thought it would be someone older.
Me: And an man?

She Totally ignores me

Older Woman: I'm collecting donations for (someplace or another)
Me: Do you have something in writing? Leave it with me and we'll see what we can do. Someone can check back in a couple of days.

This is a post from 2008.
TODAY - This happened:

Customer: Can I speak to the Manger?
Me: Sure, what can I do for you?
Customer: I'm looking for the man in charge.
Me: Were you looking for one of the men here for something personal?
Customer: No, I'm looking for a donation for the _________ charity golf tournament.
Me: Okay, well you need to talk to me then.
Customer: There's isn't a man I can ask about it?
Me: Not if you want a donation....

And it's getting less and less likely at this point buddy.... WOW.

A case of the mouth working before the brain?

2011-06-20T11:59:00.004-04:00

Background info:
We have a "crime novels" display window up. There are mysteries and true crime books in the window along with toe tags, evidence bags with bloody clothes and a knife and "crime scene" tape on the windows. Also a fake bloody hand print is dripping down the window...

Cust: Did you get broken into?
Me: Um no? Why would you ask?
Cust: Well there is crime scene tape and blood and stuff in the window.
Me: Nope. It's a mystery book display.
Cust: A What?
Me: A display of mystery and crime books? That why all the CSI stuff is in the window.
Cust: Oh. Why would you do that?
Me: Umm... to highlight some of the mystery books we carry?
Cust: Oh. I thought you got broken into and that was so people didn't touch anything.

Right. We got broken into and someone's blood is all over the front windows along with a bloody knife and the police just left it all laying there while I just work away here like any other day.....

I SWEAR I Believe you.

2011-06-13T16:43:00.003-04:00

A customer calls the store.

Cust: "I bought this book and the cover says $9.99 but you charged me $10.99"
Me: "Oh. Let's see what happened. The computer has it listed at $10.99. So I'm not sure what's happened but if the Canadian price is $9.99 on the book and we charged you more we'll reimburse you."
Cust: "I'm not an idiot. It says $9.99"
Me: "Umm, I'm sure it does. If you bring it back in with your receipt showing that you were charged more we'll be happy to fix it for you."
Cust:"I'm not stupid you know."
Me: "I'm sure that you're not. As I said, if you bring the book back in with your receipt showing that you were charged more we'll be happy to give you back the dollar"
Cust: "Well why does it say $9.99 on it and you have $10.99 in your computer?"
Me: "I really don't know. Sometimes things go up or down when they reprint them and we miss changing them in the computer. These things do happen sometimes. I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, but we'd be happy to fix it for you."
Cust: "It says $9.99"
Me: "I believe you. Please bring it back in with your receipt and we'll give you back your money"

I'm willing to give the woman a dollar out of my own pocket if she'll just get off the bloody phone and come in for it!

Hating Monday

2011-05-09T11:35:00.001-04:00

When I say "Hello" there are many appropriate responses. Looking at me dismissively and snorting is not one of them... It's looking like a long Monday.

I know that's not real right?

2011-05-04T14:29:00.003-04:00

Coworker: Can I help you find something?
Customer: I'm looking for a true stories about someone's life. My mom told me about a one like Prisoner of Tehran... But I only like true stories, they have to be true.
Coworker: Okay - you want to look in this section here. (and leads her over to the biography & memors)
Customer: Oh, but I don't like biographies.

Ummm.... okay?

I ended up ringing this lady through for two Nicholas Sparks novels....

What do you think the V stands for?

2011-04-18T13:31:00.000-04:00

Virginia Andrews IS V.C. Andrews.
She is.
Really.
I promise I'm not making it up.

Just spent FAR too much time trying to get this through to someone.

We figured it out!!

2011-04-14T13:52:00.003-04:00

Cust: Do you have the do it yourself kimping book?
Me: Kimping?
Cust: The do it your self kimping book.
Me: It doesn't ring a bell.. what is kimping?
Cust: My grandson wants it. The do it yourself kimping book.
Me: Ok - I can't find anything about kimping... What is it? A kind of craft or something?
Cust: I don't know he just wanted the orange book that's the do it yourself kimping book.

5 minutes later she says the word "diary"

THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID BOOKS is what she's after.
She was a very nice lady - just had NO IDEA what she was asking for.

Beacuse the health unit says so. THAT'S why.

2011-02-23T14:16:00.005-05:00

WHAT is with people and their frickin dogs this week? The sign that says no dogs means you too. Really. Yes. You. It doesn't matter what size, shape, age, or type of dog you have. It doesn't matter what the weather is like. Unless it is a seeing eye or other service dog IT CAN NOT come in. Even for a few minutes.
Don't act like we're the ones who are being rude by telling you your hairy companion isn't welcome. We have that sign on the door for a reason.

My head may explode.

We're Talking Pamphlet Material Here

2011-01-25T10:24:00.004-05:00

Customer: Do you have a book about putting cedar behind a bathtub?
Me: Well we have a number of books about bathroom renovations and ideas. One of them might have something about that in them.
Customer: I'm looking for a book just about putting cedar around the tub.
Me: We don't have a whole book just about putting cedar around your tub. They might have a pamphlet about cedar at the building stores in town....

Why do people argue these things?

2011-01-10T08:42:00.003-05:00

Customer: Why do you have this in the fiction section?
Me: Because it's fiction?
Customer: This is a true story. I saw it on the news. It should be in true crime.
Me: Ummm, I'm sorry sir, this is definitely a work of fiction.

I open up the front cover and show him on the copyright page where it clearly lists it as fiction

Me: It's a mystery about a murder case during WW2 where a man is falsely accused. But it's not a real case, it's made up.
Customer: I'm sure I saw this on t.v. - it's a real story and you should put it the crime section.

Maybe if I knew you.....

2010-12-24T10:43:00.000-05:00

Customer: You recommended a book last year and my daughter really liked it. I'd like the second one in the series for her this year.
Me: Great. What series was it?
Customer: I don't know.
Me: Oh, okay. Do you remember anything about it?
Customer: No. But you recommended it.
Me: Okay. Was it a children's book or an adult book?
Customer: It came from over here.

She waves her arm at the whole fiction section.

Me: Okay. Was is historical or funny, or romantic?
Customer: I don't remember anything about it.

I don't even remember you, let alone the book I recommended last Christmas......

It's gonna be a loooonnnggg day

2010-12-21T10:09:00.003-05:00

Customer: Do you have a public washroom?
Me: Yes it's right over there.

I point to the washroom which is visible from where we are standing

Customer: The one in the back with "Employees Only" on the door?
Me: Umm... No, the one with the sign that says "Washroom"

The one you can see. From Here. That I am Pointing At. That says that it is the washroom on the door... It should not be that hard.

I may have the bah humbugs on today.

I'll keep working on that brain power

2010-12-11T16:46:00.002-05:00

Cust: Do you have the books they sell at the farmer's market?
Me: I'm not sure. What books are they?
Cust: The ones they sell at the farmer's market.
Me: I'm afraid I just don't know what books they're selling at the farmer's market.
Cust: You don't?
Me: Sorry.

I would like to be omniscient. Not this week. Maybe next?

It happens.

2010-12-03T14:36:00.002-05:00

Customer comes up and slams a book on the counter she then begins to yell.

Cust: How can you have this and not the others?
Me: Pardon?
Cust: You have 3 and 5 but not 1,2, or 4. How can you do that?
Me: Umm... because someone bought those ones? I'm sure there are more coming. I can call you and let you know when they're in if you'd like.
Cust: You let them buy just those ones?
Me: Yes. If those are the ones they want.

The crazies are out boys and girls. Watch out.

Really? Oh?

2010-11-26T09:37:00.003-05:00

Customer: Do you have the third Chronicles?
Me: Sorry? The third Chronicles?
Customer: Yes
Me: Okay, the third chronicles of what? Kane Chronicles, Chronicles of Narnia, Underland Chronicles, the Elsewhere Chronicles?
Customer: THE Chronicles books.
Me: I'm sorry I just don't know which one you mean. Do you know the title of one of the first two?
Customer: Chronicles One and Chronicles Two. Then she makes that huffing sound that generally precedes some kind of negative comment about my competence
Me: Okay, can you tell me what they're about? I can narrow it down that way.
Customer: They're history books. About the area. The Newspaper says you have them.

Aha Moment! There is a little local museum that has self published these local history books and they're scheduled to put out a third one. Of course they haven't actually told us when they'll be out or dropped any off (because it's winter and they're closed they don't answer the phone now until April)

Me: Okay, I know which one you're looking for but I'm afraid they havn't delivered them yet. We're still waiting for them.
Customer: But it says in the paper that you have them.
Me: Well I'm not sure why they'd say that before they dropped them off but maybe that means they're going to deliver them soon. I can take your info and let you know when they arrive.
Customer: I've already done that. But you didn't call.
Me: We don't have the books yet. We won't call you until they're here.
Customer: Oh

Dazed and Confused?

2010-11-17T13:10:00.001-05:00

Customer: This isn't the book I ordered.
Me: Oh. Let's see what's up.
Customer: I should have two books, one called Mckettrick's Christmas and one called A Creed County Christmas.
Me: OK I'll take a look here in the computer and see what happened.

I look and see that The Christmas Brides (which is the book we have for her) is actually two stories, Mckettrick's Christmas & A Creed County Christmas in one book. So I explain this, and then I explain it again... and again.... this is what it sounds like the fourth time or so...

Customer: That's not right. It said Mckettrick's Christmas & A Creed County Christmas in my other book.
Me: Those are the names of the two stories in this book. Maybe they thought they were going to release them as two separate books and didn't. I'm not sure.
Customer: Fine. I'll take this one but I want you to keep looking for the other two.
Me: OK. If I find them I'll let you know.

I totally get why this is confusing. The first two times I explain it. In any case, I'm happy to help you buy them as two extra volumes when you already have them in that one book if I can. Happy to help.

So you'd like it NOW?

2010-11-08T12:41:00.003-05:00

Customer: Do you have The Polar Express and the Velveteen Rabbit in stock?
Me: I think so, let me check the computer. We've got lots of The Polar Express.... I'm checking on the Velveteen Rabbit.

At this point the husband comes over

CustHusband: Do they have them?
Customer: She said they have The Polar Express but it would be NICE if she got it.

WOW. REALLY? Holy give me a moment. I'm Still looking for the stock for the other book it's not like I've abandoned them after saying yes there's one somewhere here in the store you go find it Mawahhahahaha.

Stubborn doesn't always mean right.

2010-10-25T11:56:00.002-04:00

Customer: I'm looking for a silver book by some guy who's Norwegian.
Me: How about Stieg Larsson's The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest?
Customer: Is he Norwegian?
Me: No. He was Swedish but the book is silver and very popular so it's probably the one.
Customer: No. I need the silver book by the Norwegian guy.

Needless to say we didn't find it.

Giving tourists a bad name

2010-10-14T10:12:00.000-04:00

Customer: Do you have learn Spanish sets?
Me: Sure, over here.
Customer: Oh, these have cds?
Me: Yes, most of the sets come with a cd and the books. That way you can hear and see the lesson.
Customer: Oh, I don't need to hear it to learn it. I'll just know.
Me: Okay. I guess you don't need a set then. These are all the Spanish / English dictionaries here.

Okay then.

Phone Etiquette?

2010-10-04T14:17:00.003-04:00

I answer the phone:
_________ Books. _______ Speaking.

I hear:
Never let me go.

I say:
Pardon me?

I hear an woman say in the rudest possible way:
Do you have the book about the movie Never Let Me Go or not?

I say:
We are out of stock but we have more coming in this week.

I hear:
"Click"

Can we make phone etiquette a mandatory class in high school? PLEASE?

ARG!

2010-09-15T12:24:00.004-04:00

Have you ever noticed that it's always the people who go on ad nauseum about how dangerous it is for them to be in a bookstore and how much they read and how many books they have that are always the ones who leave without buying anything? Usually after they've followed you around the store for half an hour barely taking enough time to breath as they talk and talk and talk and talk......
Not that that just a happened. Excuse me while I go lock myself in a quiet room for a few minutes...

I see your logic but no.

2010-09-07T16:32:00.003-04:00

Customer: I need an English/French dictionary.
Me: Sure not a problem.

I lead the customer over to the dual language dictionaries

Me: Here you are. There are quite a few to choose from.
Customer: These all say French/English dictionaries. I need an English/French dictionary.
Me: French/English or English/French it doesn't matter they're the same.
Customer: But how can I use a French/English dictionary if I don't already know French?
Me: They all have both French to English definitions and English to French definitions. Otherwise, you'd have to buy two books to make it work.

At least she had some fairly decent logic to lead up to her confusion....

I weep for our school system

2010-08-27T08:17:00.003-04:00

Cust: Do you have a photocopier?
Me: Not really no. Why?
Cust: I want to photocopy this book so I don't have to buy it.
Me: What? You want me to photocopy the book?
Cust: Well not the whole book, just most of it.
Me: Ummm, you know that's not okay right?
Cust: Oh no, it's fine. I'm a teacher. I can photocopy anything.

After standing with my mouth agape for a moment.... (and I'll admit maybe not one of my best days)

Me: I'm pretty sure you're only allowed to copy up to 10% out of any particular book for classroom use. However, that's not really the point. Asking me to photocopy it here, in the store, so you don't have to buy it? Wow. Now would you like me to ring that up for you or are you finished here?

Dead. As in not writing any more.

2010-04-19T11:33:00.002-04:00

Customer: Do you have any more David Eddings books since the elder gods / younger gods series?
Me: I'm afraid that was the last thing he wrote before he passed away.
Customer: Yeah I know but I wonder if there's a new book?
Me: Since he died?
Customer: Yeah.
Me: uummmmm..... no. Maybe I can recommend another author?

Why doesn't it apply to you?

2010-02-26T16:07:00.000-05:00

A woman stops at our door and looks at the signs.

On of which is a NO PETS sign.

She then comes in with her dog.

Woman: Oh is it okay if he comes in?
Me: No. I'm afraid not.
Woman: What if I carry him?
Me: Nope. Still not okay. It's a health unit rule because we have a coffee area.
Woman: Oh, I'll carry him in my bag then.
Me: I'm afraid he has to stay outside. We really need to follow the health unit rules.
Woman: But it's cold outside.
Me: I'm sorry there's no winter exemption to the no pets rule.
Woman: Oh. Do you have (names some band) on cd?
Me: No, I have audio books on cd and the odd local band but we're not a music store.
Woman: Oh. Do you have decaf coffee?
Me: Yes.
Woman: Is it instant?
Me: No. All of our coffee is brewed.
Woman: (In a Huff) Well. I thought I'd try this place. (and she leaves.....)

Seriously? Unless your dog is a seeing eye Chihuahua we're not risking having one of the health unit inspectors wander in while you're here. Sorry.

The days I worry for my job

2010-02-19T14:13:00.003-05:00

I overhear two people talking in the store after I chatted with them and recommended an author that the one might like.

Person 1: This looks really good.
Person 2: Don't buy it here. You can save lots if you buy your books online.
Person 1: But I like being able to come here and look and talk to the people and stuff.
Person 2: So? Come here and look and then go home and buy it on line.

THEN
Person 2 comes up to the cash.

Them: Who do I speak to about a donation?
Me: You can speak to me.
Them: Oh. My son's school is having a silent auction to raise money for their band trip. Would you donate something we can auction?
Me: Do you have letter or something? Leave it with me and someone can check back in a few days.
Them: Okay. thanks.

Then they leave.
SERIOUSLY??????

Never mind that people, real live actual HUMANS work in this store and need to actually get paid. Never mind a hundred other reasons why the go take advantage of the local store's investment in a real live place to look at books and then buy online thing is a terrible idea. Never Mind ALL of that.

But to say that and then turn right around and ask them to donate something????

I wonder how much that online company donated last year in this town? I think a very safe bet was probably ZERO.

Around and Around

2010-02-11T13:57:00.003-05:00

Customer: I'd like to order a book
Me: Okay, what book would you like to order?

The customer tells me the book and I look it up. It's not really old but it has gone out of print.

Me: I'm afraid it's out of print. I won't be able to order it. You should check with the used bookstore though, they may be able to get you a copy.
Customer: But it's not very old.
Me: Nope, it's not very old but it has got out of print already. It just means that I can't order it new from the publisher. There are probably lots of copies out there that the used store will be able to find for you.
Customer: But there are lots of older books you can buy. Not all the books on the shelf are new.
Me: They're not necessarily newly written but all our books are new books. We buy directly from the publishers so if something is out of print we can't get it anymore. It doesn't mean that a new book wasn't written a long time ago, it's just that this particular copy has not ever been sold before.
Customer: So you don't have any books that are old.
Me: We don't have books that are used. We do have books that were written a long time ago.

You can see the repetitive circle we went around and around and around in....... I'm not sure if you ever understood what I was saying or if I ever answered her question.....

Hard to Help

2010-02-03T13:38:00.003-05:00

Customer: Do you have any books about secret societies?
Me: Sure.
Customer: I'm looking for New Age books.
Me: Okay.

I show her a section with a number of "New Age" authors with some titles about secret societies.

Me: There are some here. Let me know if I can help you find anything else.
Customer: Well I don't want any of these ones.
Me: Um Okay?
Customer: You have Sylvia Browne here. She's just a big fraud. Michael Howard, I've never heard of him or Mark Stavish.
Me: Okay. Were you looking for a Specific book then?
Customer: No. You just don't have anything.

Please note she hasn't actually LOOKED inside or at the backs of ANY of these books or any of the others...

Me: Okay, perhaps you'd rather see more of the history like ones. They're over here.
Customer: NO. New Age. I like New Age stuff. You don't have very many new age books about Secret Societies for a new age store.
Me: Umm, we're not a new age store. This section you're in is the new age section. The rest of the store is other stuff......
Customer: Oh. You really don't have much stuff on secret societies.
Me: I guess not. I'll let you look at these, let me know if I can help with anything else.

She didn't even look at any of the books on the shelf and left.

.........?? I have NO idea.

Oh the holy grail of cheap

2010-01-14T08:37:00.003-05:00

This is a woman doing a survey for a local group on the phone:

Non-Customer: You know I always come to all your free children's events. I bring the kids for the free cookies and hot chocolate and the books you give away and stuff.

Me: Oh yeah? That's nice. I'm glad you enjoy our events.

Non-Customer: Oh yeah, they really like the story times.

Me: That's great.

Non-Customer: I never buy anything from you guys though. I buy everything at W**Mart. It's Cheap. They don't have very many books though and they don't have events or nothing. Not like you guys.

Me: Uhuh

....But they're Cheap.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Save me please from the "cheap at all cost"people.
Did anyone else see the movie Wall-E?

Clueless

2010-01-09T13:43:00.003-05:00

Customer brings a children's book up to the front.

Customer: This book was in that pile back there.
Me: Yes?
Customer: It's upside down.
Me: Oh? Okay, may I look at it?

I take it and look at it - sure enough the cover has been attached upside down to the pages.

Me: Yeap, it sure is upside down. I'm sure they're not all like that, would you like me to get another one for you?

In the meantime they've picked the book back up

Customer: Well, why is it upside down?
Me: I'm not sure. Stuff like that happens sometimes.
Customer: Well that's no good.

She starts to walk away with the book.

Me: Oh, may I have that back please?
Customer: I was going to but it back.
Me: I don't want to put it back in the pile.
Customer: Why not? That's where it was.
Me: Yes, but it's printed wrong. We don't want to just put it back out on the floor.
Customer: Why not?
Me: Well, did you want this one?
Customer: No. I was going to get another one that's not upside down.
Me: Precisely.
Customer: I don't get it.
Me: Umm... there's something wrong with the book, we're not going to put it back out there for sale knowing there's something wrong with it.

Clueless. Just Clueless.

Give me strength....

2010-01-06T15:33:00.003-05:00

Customer: Does this book come with a cd?
Me: Yes it does. It has a copy of the audio book included in each hardcover.
Customer: *RUDE* Pft.. But does it have the movie?
Me: Umm no, just the audio book and the book itself.
Customer: Okay I want to look at it anyway.
Me: Sure. Here you are.
Customer: The cd's in the Front.
Me: Yes?
Customer: It's suppose to be in the back.
Me: Umm.. it's in the front in this case. They're all like that with this book.
Customer: Well they should be in the back. All the ones I'VE ever seen are in the BACK.
Me: Sometimes they're in the front and sometimes they're in the back... there's no wrong place to have the bonus cd.....
Customer: Well. I think they should be in the back so I don't want it.

Maybe I was a bad person in a past life?

Early bird gets the worm and all that...

2009-12-29T14:38:00.001-05:00

Customer comes in with a piece of paper. (This was Christmas Eve)

Customer: I need this book for my wife.
Me: I'm sorry sir. We are sold out of that title. We expect to have some more in by the second week of January.
Customer: But I need this book.
Me: I'm afraid we don't have any more. I can try to recommend another book that she might like, or you could get her a gift certificate.
Customer: NO. I need THIS book. I've looked everywhere today.
Me: Sir, I'm sorry. It was a surprise to everyone that it became as popular as it did so quickly. The publisher is out of stock until January.
Customer: She's gonna know.
Me: Sorry?
Customer: My wife's gonna know I waited too late to get her gift...

He seemed so frightened I almost felt sorry for him. Almost. He was trying to shop for a Specific thing on Christmas EVE. Sympathy lost.

Am I on candid camera?

2009-12-18T13:48:00.003-05:00

Customer: Do you have and he gives me a title.
Me: Yes.
Customer: Oh. How about and he gives me another title.
Me: Yes.
Customer: Oh. How about and he gives me a third title.
Me: Yes.
Customer: In stock?
Me: Yes.... Would you like me to grab them for you?
Customer: Oh. Umm... No.

and he practicly RAN out of the store. Anyone care to hazard a guess? Anyone?

Whoa Nelly

2009-12-15T13:47:00.002-05:00

A Phone Conversation

Me: ____________ Books. ____________ speaking.
Customer: I'm looking for a book.
Me: Okay.
Customer: I'm looking for a particular book.
Me: Okay.
Customer: If you don't have it in stock can you get it for Christmas?
Me: If we don't have it I wouldn't guaranty it arriving for Christmas at this point. It might make it it but it might not.
Customer: Fine. I'll order it someplace else.
Me: Don't you want me to see if we have it here in stock already?

The Customer has already hung up.

Patience is a virtue right?

If only they were practical jokes....

2009-12-11T14:00:00.000-05:00

A phone conversation

Me: Hello _____________ Books. ___________ speaking.
Customer: Hello. Is this ______________ Books?
Me: Yes.
Customer: Is there anyone there I can speak to?
Me: Ummmm You can speak to me........

??????

Not the only one

2009-12-05T09:29:00.001-05:00

Customer: If I saw a book on a website can you order it in for me?
Me: We can take a look and see, we usually can. What site was it on?
Customer: The yoga site.
Me: Okay, do you know the site address or what the name of the site was?
Customer: The yoga site.
Me: Okay.

So I try a search for "the yoga site" thinking this is the name of the actual site.

Me: Okay is this the site?

I have www.yogasite.com up on the screen.

Customer: No. The Yoga site.
Me: Okay.

So I try www.theyogasite.com - It doesn't exist.

So I try a search for "the yoga site" again leave the search list up.

Me: I'm sorry I can't seem to find The Yoga Site.
Customer: It's the first one on the list on my computer.
Me: Well take a look at the search list here, maybe you can see what site it is.

The customer looks

Customer: It's the first one on my computer.
Me: Okay but I'm not sure what site it is and it's not coming up in my search I guess. You'll have to check at home and find out what the site address is. You can just give us a call with it.
Customer: It's The Yoga Site - why is it so hard for you to find. I shouldn't have to go back home to look it up you should have it here.

Seriously? At what point does trying to provide extra service become not worth it?

You Do That!

2009-11-27T10:13:00.000-05:00

Customer: I'm looking for A Dance with Dragons in paperback
Me: I'm afraid that book hasn't been released yet at all. It's not even out in Hardcover yet.
Customer: Yes it is. It came out last year.
Me: I'm sorry but maybe we're not talking about the same book. The one I'm thinking of is the new one in the Song of Ice and Fire series by George RR Martin.
Customer: Yes. That's the one. I've been waiting for it forever and it's suppose to be out in paperback now.
Me: I'm sorry, as far as we've been told they were hoping to have it out in hardcover this fall but it's still not done.
Customer: Well you obviously don't know what you're talking about, I'll go find it somewhere else.

And good luck with that. According to Mr. Martin's personal website he's till not finished writing the darn thing.
Please also see Mr. Neil Gaiman's journal entry:
http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2009/05/entitlement-issues.html

Are we talking about the same place?

2009-11-18T10:00:00.003-05:00

Customer: You you have any books on Dr. Oz?
Me: Are you looking for a biography of Dr. Oz or the books BY him?
Customer: I'm looking for the book that was on Oprah.
Me: Alright, Dr. Oz's books are over here.
Customer: I didn't know you carried books here.
Me: Ummm Okay...?
Customer: Oh, and look you even have different kinds of books.
Me: Ummm Yes...?
Customer: Have you ever had tofu?
Me: Huh?
Customer: Do you sell cheese?
Me: Well, ummm, here are the Dr. Oz books, let me know if you need help finding anything else.

Completely random encounter there.... The store IS called ___________ BOOKS - Why is it so difficult for people to tell what we sell here?

Head starting to Hurt

2009-11-13T09:56:00.002-05:00

Customer: Do you sell these books?
Me: Yes.
Customer: They're all for sale?
Me: Yes.
Customer: Wow. I didn't know you sold the books.
Me: We sell books, that's what makes us a book store.
Customer: I thought they were just to look at.

we hold things but not forever.....

2009-11-07T12:36:00.000-05:00

Customer: I ordered some books that are suppose to be in.
Me: Okay, and the name?

I look up the order and find out they came in in August.

Me: It looks like they arrived August 10. We called a number of times but since they were not picked up in over 4weeks they were put back out for sale.
Customer: I thought you would hold them for us.
Me: We did. After 4weeks we have to assume that no one is coming to pick them up.
Customer: But we don't come into town all the time.
Me: It's November. It's been 3 months. We have to have a cut off as to how long we hold things or we'd end up overrun.
Customer: Well we were coming for it.
Me: You could have called us and we could have arranged mailing them or having an extra hold time if we knew you were going to be coming.
Customer: Oh well I didn't know.

What's that saying about common sense not being common?

The gym is down the street...

2009-11-01T09:34:00.000-05:00

So this guy comes in this morning and is browsing around for quite awhile so we sort of forgot he was there until these weird groaning sounds start coming from behind the shelves.

You can imagine the looks shot between the staff. Confusion, disgust, amusement, disbelief are a few I know hit my face.

After several of these strange groans, I was nominated to go look.

The guy was stretching. Like he was going to go for a run. And groaning. Loudly. I have no idea why.

Unbelievable

2009-10-24T15:08:00.000-04:00

Just found stuck under one of the Young Adult shelves:

Several pieces of chewing gum and what appears to be a rather large dried snot booger.

Excuse me while I go throw up a little and then disinfect EVERYTHING.

Sometimes its fun actually

2009-10-17T08:42:00.001-04:00

(This couple had a very thick accent, perhaps German, I'm not sure)

Customer: What is this Pride and Prejudice and Zombies?
Me: It's Jane Austen's classic Pride and Prejudice re-written as though zombies were a regular part of life when she wrote her books.
Customer: Oh. My daughter likes these Jane Austen take off books.

The customer proceeds up to the sales counter and we ring him in.

Customer: So what is a zombie?
Me: Ummmm... Like in Night of the Living Dead? It's a undead creature.
Customer: Like a vampire?
Me: Sort of, zombies eat brains though and are more mindless shuffling monster types than vampires...

This went on for a while with me trying harder and harder to explain what a zombie is.

This couple was very very nice and their question was obviously due to a language/culture issue and not stupidity or down right meanness. However, it was funny and became more and more so because we had such a hard time trying to explain. Have you ever had to try to explain something that you've just taken for granted that everyone knows and you've never really thought about before? You know what I mean then.

My Apologies

2009-10-11T15:50:00.004-04:00

Customer: I'm looking for this book
Me: Okay, let me look it up here... Oh no, I'm afraid it's out of print.
Customer: Okay, I'd like to order it.
Me: It's out of print. That means the publisher isn't printing it anymore. I can't order it. You could try a used bookstore though, they'll probably be able to track down a copy for you.
Customer: I don't want a used one. I want a new one.
Me: They're not making new ones. It's gone out of print. I can't get a new one for you. A used store might be able to find a like new one for you though. The used bookstore in town is very good at finding things.
Customer: Why can't you just order one for me?
Me: It's gone out of print. I can't order one from the publisher which is where we order books from. I'm sorry, they're just not printing more of them.
Customer: But why?
Me: Ummm? I don't know why. Maybe they didn't sell enough to print more...
Customer: But I want it.
Me: Try the used bookstore.

It's like daycare.....
My apologies to the staff of the used bookstore in town he's coming your way...

Weirder and weirder

2009-10-03T14:32:00.003-04:00

Customer: Do you have the new Dan Brown book?
Me: Sure. It's right here.
Customer: Oh. I want it in paperback.
Me: It's not available in paperback yet. It only came out in Hardcover a couple of weeks ago...
Customer: Well that's not right. I want it in paperback.
Me: I'm sorry but it's just not available. The publisher has published it as a hardcover and it'll probably be a year or so before it comes out in paper.
Customer: Well that's not acceptable.
Me: I'm afraid there isn't anything we can do about it ma'am. It's the publisher's call when and if a paperback comes out.
Customer: Well I want to speak to the publisher right now.
Me: Ummmm, they're not here...
Customer: Well when will they be in?
Me: They won't. They're never here. We're just a bookstore. The Random House offices are in New York I think....
Customer: Well then why do you have their books?
Me: Huh? That's what bookstores do... we get books from the publishers to people who want to buy them.
Customer: Oh...

?????

Had to share this one

2009-09-26T13:07:00.000-04:00

I had to share this one - this guy obviously feels my pain - from www.notalwaysright.com

Tour Guide | Norway

(I had a job on a boat, taking tourists out to sea so they could take really nice pictures of the midnight sun. One day, one of the tourists came up to me.)

Me: “What do you think of the midnight sun?”

Tourist: “Yeah, it’s really nice, but tell me one thing. On the map of our solar system, where is the midnight sun located?”

Me: “Er…the sun?”

Tourist: “No! I know where the sun is, but where is the midnight sun?”

Me: “The midnight sun and the sun are exactly the same, but when you are as far north as you are now, and since it’s summer, the sun never sets.”

Tourist: “WHAT THE F***?! I’m gonna sue your sorry a** for false advertisement! I didn’t come all the way from the US to watch the sun I have back home! *storms away*

2009-09-22T13:03:00.000-04:00

Customer: I'm looking for a French dictionary.
Me: Okay, were you looking for one that's a French-English dictionary or one that is a regular dictionary just in French?
Customer: I want one to look up French words.
Me: So that you know what the English word is or so that you have a full definition of the word?
Customer: I just want a book to look up French words.
Me: We carry a number of books to look up French words - I'm just trying to find out which type is going to be what you need because they are in different areas.
Customer: I just want a book to look up French words.

(BREATH. Do not Hurt the customer)

Me: Okay, here are the French-English dictionaries let me know if I can help you find anything else.

A few minutes later

Customer: These ones just tell me what the English word is for the French word and the French word for the English word. I need a d-i-c-t-i-o-n-a-r-y.

If the guy wasn't such a jerk I would have just assumed that since he was looking for books in another language that it was simply a language barrier issue but the 13year girl tone was just too much to be unintentional.

I'm back - and so are they apparently....

2009-09-15T11:43:00.004-04:00

Customer: I'm looking for a book.
Me: Okay......
Customer: It's about an young man and an older man and their relationship and changing your life.
Me: Could it be Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom?
Customer: Is it pink?
Me: ummm... no......
Customer: Then that's not it. It's pink. Where would I look for a book like that?
Me: Pink books about two guys?
Customer: Yeah.
Me: Umm... I'm not sure.... is it fiction or non-fiction?
Customer: Non-fiction.
Me: Okay, non-fiction is though here ( I sweep my arm across half or so of the shelves)
Customer: How hard can it be to find a pink book?
Me: I'm sorry, we don't have anything sorted by the colour of the cover...

Anyone have a pink-books-about-two-guys section in their book shelves? Anyone?

Ass out of U and Me

2009-07-24T16:42:00.003-04:00

A customer calls the store

Customer: I'd like to return a book I bought.
Me: Okay, do you have the receipt?
Customer: Yeah.
Me: It shouldn't be a problem, as long as it hasn't been more than a week and it's still in sale-able condition.
Customer: Great. I'll see you later.

The customer comes in later that day.

Customer: Hi, I called earlier and you said I could return this.
Me: Sure, I just need your receipt.

He hands me his receipt.

It's for a different store.
Not a different location of our store or something, a COMPLETELY different store.

Me: Sir, this receipt isn't for this store.
Customer: Yeah, I know. I didn't buy it here.
Me: Ummmm, I can't return it here if you didn't buy it here.
Customer: Well you didn't say that when I called.
Me: If you'd mentioned you hadn't purchased the book here I would have told you we couldn't return it. Generally we assume that if you call here asking to return something you bought it here. That's the reason you need a receipt, to show you bought it here.

Maybe a little Too Specific

2009-07-10T14:55:00.003-04:00

Customer: Where are your biographies?
Me: Over Here. Are you looking for something specific?
Customer: Music bios.
Me: OK they'll be through here.
Customer: I'm really looking for the drug addicted rockers section.
Me: Huh?
Customer: The section with all the the drug addicted musicians....
Me: Ummm... we don't really have a "drug addicted" sub-section in music bios section. Sorry.

HAHAHAHAHA - Okay - sometimes they just make me laugh.

Common Sense not so Common

2009-06-29T14:21:00.002-04:00

A customer comes up to the counter with a popular diet book.

Customer: What's your return policy?
Me: 7 days on most things, excluding sale items and things can't be unsealed if they come sealed. Is it a gift?
Customer: No I just want to try it out and see if it works.
Me: Oh. Okay...
Customer: Well if I don't lose weight I should be able to return the book right?
Me: Ummm... Well, as long as the pages are all there and you can read then the book "works". Whether the diet does or not isn't really the book's fault. So no.

Only if you're on acid

2009-06-20T15:18:00.002-04:00

Customer: You you have any George Orwell?
Me: Sure, over here in the fiction section.
Customer: No. He's not fiction.
Me: Umm yes he is certainly fiction.

From across the room I hear a coworker say: Yeah all those talking animals are totally non-fiction

I get the books for the customer and he buys them - still quite sure that they're in the wrong place in the store because he only ever buys non-fiction.

I must have been a bad person

2009-06-15T09:00:00.000-04:00

Customer: What's the price on this?

Points to a GORGEOUS 3 book hardcover boxed set of ALL of the Calvin and Hobbes ever.

Friend: Oooo if you can't find a price it's free.

I pull it down and look a the price tag and point it out to her

Customer: Oh, well I don't want it if it isn't free.

I must have been a bad person is some past life. What else explains these people?

Tweedle DUMB

2009-06-10T16:56:00.003-04:00

Customer: WOW yous got a lot of books in here.

Me: We are a bookstore.

Customer: Really? Well yous won't be here long I bet. No ones gonna buy books. No one I knows reads nothin.

Help. Seriously. Help.

You should probably start with sorry

2009-06-05T16:41:00.004-04:00

Customer: Where's your health section?

Already she's got rude and uninterested down. Impressive in four words.

Me: Over here. Are you looking for something in particular?

The Customer names the book.

Me: Oh. I'm afraid we are sold out of that title. It's back ordered due to a reprint so can't say when it will be back in stock.

Customer: Oh shit.

She then proceeds to tell he friend this whole story about throwing away her other friend's book and having to replace it.

Customer: Well when will it be in.

Me: I'm not sure. Because it's a reprint I have no information from the publisher as to when to expect it.

Customer: Well is there something wrong with the book?

Me: Huh?

Customer: Is there something WRONG with the book? You said they had to reprint it.

Me: Umm no... they just ran out and had to make more... it happens a lot...

Customer: Really? You actually sell lots of stuff here?

Me: Ummm... yes....I suppose so...

Customer: Well what am I suppose to tell my friend?

How about she needs to find some smarter people to hang out with?

Trust issues?

2009-06-05T11:54:00.003-04:00

Customer: I ordered a book and I want to see if you really ordered it.
Me: okay....
Customer: I thought it would be in by now so maybe you didn't actually order it for me.
Me: Ummm okay, let me get your name.
Customer gives me her info and I look up the order.
Me: It has been ordered for you. I can see here that it has been shipped so we're just waiting for it to arrive.
Customer: So you did order it.
Me: Umm yes. We generally do order things when we say we did....

?

also known as school bags.....

2009-05-30T10:49:00.001-04:00

Customer: Do you sell book bags?
Me: Ummm We have these reusable bags here and these gift bags, but we don't have book bags per say.
Customer: That's not what I want, I'm looking for book bags like kids use for school.
Me: We don't really sell anything like that. You should try a department store or an office supply store maybe.
Customer: Well you sell books.
Me:Yes?
Customer: You should sell book bags.
Me: Sorry about that.

What I wanted to say - They're also known as school bags, packsacks, backpacks, rucksacks, knapsacks etc etc etc Maybe since they're also known as school bags you should check the local grade schools - maybe they'll sell you one...

Okay - I'm cranky.

VENT

2009-05-25T17:52:00.000-04:00

For the 12th time (at least) today.

No the 3rd and 4th books in the Twilight Saga are not out in paperback in North America. Not even at WAL-MART!!! I'm not lying, confused or mistaken. If your "friend" has them they're either from some other country or YOU are lying, confused or mistaken. If you don't believe me; all the power to you, please go look somewhere else.

Okay, I'll just let you browse......

2009-05-20T10:26:00.003-04:00

Customer: Do you have technical books?
Me: Sure. What kind were you looking for?
Customer: I don't know - I'll know when I see it.
Me: Okay, but what subject matter? Technical books about welding or machining or woodworking or computers? They're in different areas.
Customer: I'm not sure.
Me: Ummmm okay, well that whole area over here is non-fiction....

I completely get the "something will jump out at me" school of shopping...... But how can you not know if you're looking for a welding book or a book about computers?

From my friends at Bakka-Phoenix Books

2009-05-17T11:14:00.002-04:00

OVERHEARD IN THE BOOKSTORE

Customer: What I don't like about books is how indiscreet the authors can be. And it's really hard to get in touch with them. Sometimes they're even dead.
Bakka-Phoenix: Okay.
C: I'm a very elaborate thinker, you see: I can think of alternates to the statements they make.
BPB: Indeed.
C: You have a nice selection here. Goodbye.
BPB: Thank you.
(brief pause)
Ben: Okay, that was even more surreal than the last one. I'm afraid to see what's going to walk through the door next.

Martian: Ooo-la ooo-la?
B: Over here, behind the plant, under "W"
M: Blarg.
B: Thank you.

Although this didn't happen to me it could have and I had to share!!

My skin actually crawled

2009-05-12T10:50:00.000-04:00

Why do people insist on chewing gum with their mouths open? It sounds disgusting, it looks horrible, like a cud chewing cow and it makes it really difficult to understand and to take them seriously.

Customer: GumSmack Where are your best sellers?
Me: Right here (under the large sign that says bestsellers)
Customer: GumSmack then something completely unintelligible.
Me: Pardon me?
Customer: GumSmack Twilight?
Me: Just over here.

Believe it or not this was not a 13 year old girl. This was a woman in her thirties AND her mother!!!!!
UGH. Disgusting.

Can I come?

2009-05-07T10:14:00.003-04:00

Customer: I'm looking for Bride Wars.
Me: The movie?
Customer: No. The book.
Me: Okay, let me take a look.
I check the computer
Me: I'm sorry but I don't see a book called Bride Wars. What is it about?
Customer: Two best friends who end up with wedding dates on the same day.
Me: That sounds like the movie Bride Wars.
Customer: Well it's suppose to be out as a book.
Me: I'm sorry but I can't find a book with that title but I know that a movie with that name and plot just came out. They have a big poster in the window of the movie place down the street.
Customer: Well it has to be a book if it's a movie.
Me: I wish it worked that way.

I was finally able to convince this person that they should check the movie place. They were really very nice, I just wish I lived in that world too....

It's started already

2009-05-01T09:48:00.003-04:00

Customer: Do you have the new Dan Brown book?
Me: The DaVinci Code is the newest one that's out. Where you looking for Angels and Demons? That's the one the new movie is based on.
Customer: No. I want the new one. The Lost Secret.
Me: They've only just released the news of the the release date of the new book. The Lost Symbol will be out Sept 15.
Customer: No (RUDE) The new one is out. It's called The Lost Secret and that's the one I want.
Me: I'm sorry sir. We have no Dan Brown book called The Lost Secret and The Lost Symbol will be out Sept 15.
Customer: You people don't know what you're talking about. I'm going to go find it at W*****t.

And good luck with that. Last I checked they weren't exactly book experts at W*****t. I feel at least a little sorry for whatever poor schmuck he talks to there. I'm sure he'll be just as fun when he's asking for the non-existing book at a discount.

You don't work here do you?

2009-04-28T09:32:00.003-04:00

Authors can be just as difficult as customers.
We have one author who insists on coming into the store and rearranging store displays to have her book where she thinks it should be. No consideration for the fact that there might be a reason her book is where we put it to begin with. Like, strangely or not, that's where it sells.
ARRGGGG.
She's struck again.

WTF is going on with this Twilight thing!!

2009-04-21T14:03:00.003-04:00

Is anyone out there reading anything else other than Stephenie Meyer's books!?!?!?!!?
I think that's all we've sold today. Really.
I'm glad that people (in particular, young people) are reading. I'm just surprised. I read the first one. It was okay; certainly not the best crafted novel ever but not the worst either. It is, however, a romance novel for teenagers. While reading it I thought "wow, I would have been ALL OVER this when I was 13", often. I'm sure someone's going to say nasty things about me because I'm not on the Twilight-is-the-best-thing-EVER bandwagon, but, I don't get the obsession in the non-teen crowd.

I wonder if I'll hear about this......

2009-04-15T14:24:00.003-04:00

Customer: You can't have this book here.
Me: Pardon me?
Customer: You can't have this book.
Me: I don't think I understand you.
Customer: You can't sell this book here.

Customer points to Under the Banner of Heaven

Me: Okay..... why not?
Customer: It's offensive to my religion.
Me: What?
Customer: I find it offensive to my religion.
Me: Okay. Well I suggest you don't purchase it.
Customer: You're not going to remove it from the shelf?
Me: Ummm. No.
Customer: Well I find it offensive.
Me: As I said. Don't buy it.

Do I know you?

2009-04-07T10:29:00.002-04:00

This is a customer I'm sure I've never seen before.

Customer: I'm looking for a good book
Me: Okay. What kind of thing do you like?
Customer: I like that last one that I read.
Me: Okay. What was that?
Customer: You know, that last one there that I read.
Me: I'm afraid I don't know what the last book you read was.
Customer: It was that one about the people in Africa.
Me: Okay...... was it fiction or a true story?
Customer: It was that last one there that I read.

I never did figure out why he thought I would know what the last book he had read was. We did send him home with a copy of War Child by Emmanual Jal. I hope he likes it.

You're not helping

2009-04-03T09:59:00.003-04:00

Customer: Can you order books?
Me: Yes.
Customer: I guess I have to tell you the name of the book.
Me: That's usually helpful yes.
Customer: It's published by Little Brown.
Me: Okay.
Customer: It's like $22.
Me: Okay. Do you know the title?
Customer: It's Blue.
Me: Okay. Do you happen to know the title?
Customer: The author is Wallace I think.
Me: Okay, I can try to search by author for you.
Customer: It's called Infinite Jest.

This was one of those nice enough but clueless exchanges. Why couldn't she just give me the title to begin with?

Good Luck with that

2009-03-30T17:24:00.002-04:00

Customer: I'm looking for the new Robert Jordan book.
Me: In the Wheel of Time books?
Customer: Yes. The 12th one.
Me: It's not out yet. They did get someone to finish it but not yet. The 11th is the newest.
Customer: It's suppose to be out.
Me: Ummm, I can check and see if the publisher has a release date for it but it's not available yet.
Customer: Yes it is.
Me: Okay...... Well, we don't have it then.
Customer: Well when will you have it.
Me: When it's published. I don't know when that will be yet.
Customer: It's out now. I want you to order it.
Me: I can't order it. It's not available to order yet. When the publisher sets a publishing date and makes it available to order we will have it in.
Customer: I'm going to write to the author and complain that you don't have it and you're gonna be in trouble.

What???? Really?
This is messed up on so many levels, not the least of which is the fact that the author is dead.

2009-03-25T11:05:00.002-04:00

I'm a little shook up.

I had a man come in just now with a book that he said was given to him for Christmas. He had no receipt and the cover of the book had black marker scribbled all over the pricing. He wanted me to return it. I explained that that wasn't possible.

He then started getting angry.

Customer: I'm not into books and this one looks like crap anyway. It's garbage. So you're not going to give me anything for it?
Me: Sir, I can't. It's all marked up and even if I could buy it from you we can't sell it in that condition. I'm sure the library would be thrilled to take it if you really don't want it.
Customer: If it's got no value then I'm just going to throw it out.
Me: Please don't do that. The library would be so grateful for it.
Customer: No. If you won't give me anything for it it doesn't have any value and it's going in the garbage.

Then he started grabbing handfuls of pages and ripping them out and throwing them down on the counter. Then he just stormed out.

I'm actually still shaking a bit. It was a little scary.

Some days I wonder.......

2009-03-20T10:24:00.000-04:00

This was a phone conversation I just had

Customer: Do you have paperback books?
Me: Ummm, yes?
Customer: How much are they?
Me: They range depending on the book.... They go from around $10 up to $60 or more.
Customer: Oh. So they're not all the same?
Me: ummm, no.
Customer: I'm talking about paperbacks here. You know. Paperbacks.
Me: Paperback is pretty broad sir. There are paperbacks in every section of the store. Are you looking for the little fiction pocket sized books?
Customer: Paperbacks. I can't believe you don't know what I am talking about.

Then he hung up on me.

Is it me?

We are not a babysitting service!

2009-03-16T13:44:00.003-04:00

Quit leaving your small children in bookstores while you go shopping someplace else. We don't know who they are suppose to leave with or not. It's actually not okay for them to sit with their Doritos and read books while you're off doing whatever it is you're doing. NOT OK. Try the library, they might have programs for this kind of thing.

Give me a break

2009-03-12T14:17:00.003-04:00

Customer: I'd like to return this.
The Customer has an audio book box
Me: Okay, do you have your receipt?
Customer: One of the tapes won't play right.
Me: Okay, but do you have your receipt?
Customer: No. I bought it in October.
Me: It's March.
Customer: Yeah well I just got around to it.
Our return policy is 7 days WITH a receipt.
Me: It's been 6 months since you say you bought it and you don't have a receipt. There really isn't anything I can do for you.
At this point there was much grumpiness and repetition......

No receipt really is killer for a return. No Receipt no return. It's pretty hard and fast. Then tell me it's been SIX months!?!?!?! Really? Give me a break.

I'm Not qualified for this

2009-03-08T13:28:00.001-04:00

Customer: Do you have Mind Over Mood?
Me: Sure. Right over here.

I show the customer to the right spot and leave her to take a look at the book.

Customer: My therapist recommended this book for me but I don't know if I like it. What book would you recommend?
Me: Ummm... If your therapist recommended this one I would probably suggest it's your best choice.
Customer: But is there a different book you would recommend?
Me: I can tell you what sells well but I'm not in anyway qualified to say one of these books would be better for you....

There is only so far that a bookseller's expertise goes. If your therapist recommends something I say go with it.....

Laugh or Cry?

2009-03-04T14:16:00.001-05:00

Ok.
In my opinion, if you are over the age of 18, there really shouldn't be anyone monitoring your reading choices. I mean, seriously, what you read is up to you.

We had a young lady (well over 18) who asked for a novel for Christmas. Her mother bought it for her. The young lady's grandmother started reading it before it was wrapped (HUH?) and decided that it wasn't appropriate reading and instructed the young lady's mother to return it.

Now family is family, and whatever transpired there I don't know, but the mom comes in to return the book and tells me this story. She had the receipt so no matter how absurd I thought the reason for returning it was I would have done it with a smile. Except - and here is the kicker - Grandma was so rough with the book that there was NO WAY it could be returned.

The young woman got the book from mom along with some advice to just not mention it to grandma.

I'm not sure whether to laugh or shake my head......

Overshare

2009-02-28T11:49:00.000-05:00

Customer: Do you have Dr.Phil's Relationship rescue?
Me: Sure. It's over here.
Customer: My husband and I are having some trouble. I hope this will help.
Me: Well I hope it works for you.
Customer: Yeah, we're not having sex anymore.
Me: Ummm... Oh.....
Customer: I don't know if we can get things going again but this book was recommended.
Me: So can I ring you through?

There are things I just don't need to know.

There are some young adult novels over here...

2009-02-24T10:20:00.001-05:00

I feel I must preface this post with a statement about myself.
I am not a book snob. I know a lot of them. I work with some. I am not one.
I really read just about anything, I believe that there is a time, or place or reader for just about anything. There are times I want something that I can sink my teeth into and will make me think or maybe learn something. There are times I want to be challenged. There are times I just want to be entertained by a fast paced thriller or imaginative fantasy and still other times I want to read something mindless and fluffy that I can just enjoy without guilt.
I am Not going to look down on someone because they like romance novels or D&D books. Hey, they're reading.

However, I admit I had some difficulty figuring out what to recommend to this lady,

Customer: I'm going on vacation and I'm looking for a light read.
Me: Great. A beach read. What kind of books do you like?
Customer: Well I want something that's not too hard to follow. Nothing as hard as Danielle Steel. I like her but they're kind of hard to follow.

This is where I begin to stall for time.
I've read some Danielle Steel; they are light, entertaining, and very very popular. I think of them like fairy tales for grownups. Not a darn thing wrong with them if that's what you have a hankering for. They are NOT however a hard read. What do you recommend without being condescending?

I went with Nicholas Sparks, not because I think he's any easier per say but his novels tend to be shorter and I hoped that might equate to an easier read for this lady.

Still looking for that ESP!

2009-02-21T16:47:00.001-05:00

Customer: I'm looking for a book about a guy who gets lost on a mountain.
Me: Okay. Is it a true story?
Customer: I think so.
Me: Is it recent?
Customer: I don't think so. It came out around the same time as that movie about the boat and the big storm.
Me: The Perfect Storm? The one with George Clooney?
Customer: Yeah.

So I check it out and find out that The Perfect Storm came out in 2000.

Me: Okay so it came out in 2000. So the book about the guy lost on a mountain came out around then and it's a true story?
Customer: I think so.
Me: Okay, let me see what I can find.

I whittle the list of over 100 "guy stuck on a mountain" books down to the few between 1999 and 2001. I even try giving her the titles of some of the most popular books from other years.

Customer: None of those are right.
Me: I'm sorry, but there are so many books about people getting suck on mountains. If you can give me any more info about it I might be able to narrow it down some more but with just this info these all fit.
Customer: Well, I thought you could be more helpful.

WHAT? MORE helpful? More helpful than figuring out what movie from nine years ago you are vaguely referring to to find the book that you don't know anything more about then it's a guy stuck on a mountain. More helpful than finding out when that movie was made for you and then spending more than 20 min searching lists for books that match your info in the last nine years?
I'm going home now.

No wonder people get frustrated with tourists

2009-02-18T09:29:00.003-05:00

Customer: Do you have books with that language they speak in Dominican?
Me: Spanish?
Customer: Do you have books with Spanish words in it?
Me: Ummm.. like a Spanish English dictionary?
Customer: I guess so.
Me: Here they are.
Customer picks one up and looks at it.
Customer: This looks hard.
Me: Ummm, the English word is here, and beside it is the Spanish word and in the other half of the book it's Spanish and then English.
Customer: Well, this doesn't say appendix.
Me: It does in Spanish. That's the point. That's the Spanish word for appendix, beside the English word appendix. Here in the middle are common phrases like "where is the bathroom" and "how much is this" and the Spanish for the same phrase.
Customer: Don't you have an easier one? Like with less words?
Me: I'm afraid they're all pretty much the same. This one is the smallest, and it has the lowest number of words in it. I have some picture dictionaries but they're all pretty big, not really great for packing.

Ack! Any suggestions about how to make a dictionary easier to use? Anyone?

Old is not a taste!!

2009-02-15T09:33:00.003-05:00

Customer: I'm looking for something for an elderly person.
Me: Okay. What kind of books to they like?
Customer: They're 93.
Me: Okay, but what kind of books to they like to read? Fiction?Non-fiction?
Customer: I don't know - don't you have something general for old people?
Me: Well, you could try one of the chicken soup for the soul type books, they're pretty generic... Or any of these sort of bathroom readers, or gift books - they're pretty good for anyone if you don't know them well.
Customer: Are they good for someone's who's 93?
Me: I don't see why not. They're good for most people.

This one is one I've heard in one form or another a ton of times and it's beginning to annoy me. Just because someone is older doesn't mean they become some cookie cutter "old person". Older people are still people - they have their own interests and preferences.

I'm beginning to dislike these books

2009-02-12T12:26:00.002-05:00

Customer: I want book three in the Twilight series in paperback.
Me: Eclipse isn't out in paper yet.
Customer: No. I want book number three.
Me: In the Twilight series?
Customer: rudely. Yes. In Paperback.
Me: The third book in the Twilight series is called Eclipse and it's not out in paperback yet.
Customer: Yes it is. I saw it.
Me: Well, we can't order it yet in North America.
Customer: Fine, I'll get it somewhere else.

Where do these people "see" these books that aren't out yet? Do they surf websites in other continents just to be difficult?!?

A Little Vague

2009-02-09T15:04:00.000-05:00

Customer: I'm looking for a particular word puzzle book.
Me: Okay. What's it called?
Customer: I don't know. It's $9.99.
Me: Okay. I'm afraid that doesn't really help.
Customer: I bought it from (names some bookstore in Toronto).
Me: Okay, I'm afraid that still doesn't help narrow down what book it is.
Customer: It's word puzzles.
Me: There are an awful lot of word puzzle books.
Customer: It's hard word puzzles.

It's been a really long day. I give up.

Me: Here are the puzzle books. Maybe you'll recognize it.

ACK! Exam Week

2009-02-06T11:46:00.002-05:00

I make a conscious effort to remember that I was once one of those loud and sometimes obnoxious teenagers. Generally speaking all of the teens would come into the store are great kids. The problem is not the kids themselves, the problem lays in the fact that at that age it's NEVER one teen that you are dealing with. They travel in Packs. Large Packs. Large, Loud, Annoying packs who have the most asinine things they need to talk about a top volume.

For instance.

"Oh my God. Like look at that cover. It's so like gross."

or

"I like books like that" -pointing at a children's chapterbook "They're easy."

Why has the "Valley" girl talk not died off? WHY??????

I might be cranky

2009-02-03T11:26:00.000-05:00

Customer: I'm looking for a book about a family that had a tragedy it's fairly new.
Me: Do you know anything more about it? I'm afraid that's not ringing any bells.
Customer: Someone died I think.
Me: A new book about a family where someone dies?
Customer: Yes.
Me: I'm sorry, I really don't know what title you might be looking for. It's just too broad.
Customer: Well, you work in a bookstore. You should know the books that are out.

Now, I was polite and apologetic even to this woman....
However.
How is it my fault that you don't have a CLUE about what it is that you want? I mean, we try to find things for people all day with no information and most of the time we're happy to do it but there is NO reason for you to get nasty if we can't get our ESP working that day.

You have to give me something to work with here...

2009-01-30T15:29:00.003-05:00

Customer: I'm looking for a fairy book for my daughter.
Me: Okay. We have LOTS of fairy related books. Were you looking for a story about fairies or more like a guide book for fairies?
Customer: Either one.
Me: Okay, what age group?
Customer: I don't know.
Me: You don't know how old your daughter is?
Customer: It's not for her, she wants it for someone else.
Me: Oh, okay. You don't know how old that person is?
Customer: No.
Me: Is it a child?
Customer: I don't know.
Me: Okay.....Well, I have about 150 books in store that are fairy related. Most of them are children's books, but the couple that are not you might not want to give to a child by mistake.

I take the customer over to where the Children's fairy books are located.

Me: Here are some choices.
Customer: Well how am I suppose to pick from all of these?
Me: Well, usually it helps to know who it's for.
Customer: Well I don't know who it's for.
Me: Okay, how about this one.

I grab a little hard cover book about fairies - where fairies might be found, what they wear etc.

Customer: That's pretty girly don't you think?
Me: ???? Well, it is a book about fairies.

I tried a few other titles and finally gave up and left her to "browse"

What the heck are you suppose to do with these people? I mean I am actually trying to help but really, there is only so much I can do.

P vs T

2009-01-26T13:09:00.000-05:00

Customer: Do you have that book Tillers of the Earth?
Me: I'm sorry, I don't know that one.
Customer: It's pretty popular.
Me: Could it be Pillars of the Earth? By Ken Follett?
Customer: I'm sure it's Tillers of the Earth.
I check the computer. Sure enough no Tillers of the Earth.
Me: Let me show you Pillars of the Earth maybe it's the one you're looking for.
Customer: Well it's for my dad and I'll have to call him. He's been looking for it EVERYWHERE he said.
Customer calls her dad.
Customer: He's sure it's Tillers of the Earth. It's about someone building a church in old fashion England.
Me: Well, I'm not sure what to tell you. I have a Pillars of the Earth that is about someone building a church and it's very popular but Tillers of the Earth doesn't seem to exist.
Customer: Well I guess we'll just have to keep looking for it.

WHAT? Seriously? You're not going to accept after checking, and I quote, "EVERYWHERE" that maybe you just have the title a little off? You are never going to find the book about the guy building a church in England called Tillers of the Earth I don't care how many places you look.

Clueless

2009-01-23T12:55:00.000-05:00

Customer: Can I look at the books?
Me: Sure.
Customer: The covers. I want to look at the covers.
Me: OK
The customer wanders around looking at books for a minute or two.
Customer: Do you have non fiction?
Me: Yes sir all of these shelves in this area are non-fiction. ( I sort of wave my arm around the area we are standing in)
Customer: So the other side of this shelf is non-fiction?
Me: Yes. All of these shelves are non-fiction.
Customer: So this shelf is non-fiction?
Me: Yes.
Customer walks to another shelf in the same area.
Customer: So this is non fiction too? Just different categories?
Me: Yes.

These people can not possible all be trying to do a Borat can they?

Not picky

2009-01-19T09:23:00.003-05:00

Customer: You you have that book about a dog?
Me: Do you know the title by any chance?
Customer: No, the library in ( a town about 100 miles away) said there's a year wait for it.
Me: Ummm.. okay. Was is Marley and Me or the Story of Edgar Sawtelle?
Customer: I don't know what the title is.
Me: So if I tell you the titles you're still not going to know if it's the book you want. Do you know anything about what it's about?
Customer: It's about a dog.
Me: There are a few books that are popular about dogs. But If you don't know what what it's called or what it's about it's hard to narrow it down for you. I can just guess and give you one and tell you it's the dog book.
Customer: Ok

Ok? I wish everyone would let me just randomly pick a book and tell them it's what they want. I hope they like The Story of Edgar Sawtelle.

Some times you can't win

2009-01-16T14:33:00.001-05:00

A customer calls and orders a hard to find title. I explain that it will take 2-3 weeks for it to arrive unless there are any problems with supply which sometimes happens with smaller presses.

2 weeks later the customer calls back and tells the staff person who answers that if the book isn't in that day she didn't want it and would order it somewhere else.

The book didn't come in. We canceled the order.

I got to talk to the customer when she called again a week later.

Customer: Is my book in?
Me: I'll look, may I have your name please?

Customer gives me her name - I pull it up - notice that there are notes on her account so I read them.

Me: I see here that you called a week ago and told us that if the book wasn't it that day you didn't want it so it has been canceled.
Customer: That's not what I said.
Me: I'm sorry, that's what the notes here say.
Customer: I said I'd order it somewhere else.
Me: Yes? And it didn't come in so we canceled the order because you were going to order it somewhere else.
Customer: Well I want it now.
Me: Okay, I'll be happy to reorder it for you.
Customer: Well that's not acceptable. I want it now.
Me: I'm afraid that's what we need to do. The order was canceled.
Customer: Your service sucks!

What part sucked? The part where we did what you asked? Or the part where we did what you asked? I don't even know what to say sometimes.

We're a bookstore Sir

2009-01-13T14:24:00.002-05:00

Customer: Do you sell CD cases?
Me: No, sorry sir we don't. You could try Grand and Toy.
Customer: Do you sell little animal figures?
Me: Ummm.... no.
Customer: Do you have oil paints?
Me: No. We have books about oil painting, like how to paint that kind of thing...
Customer: What kind of store is this?
Me: Ummm We're a BOOKstore sir. We mostly sell books.

I'm not sure which of us was more confused here.