If you're going to be demanding try to get it right

When the US dollar value dropped like a stone last year many people thought that instantly all the prices they pay should change. We dealt with a lot of Nastiness over that.

But some of them REALLY didn't get it.

Customer: I want the US price on this book.
Me: We sell books at the Canadian price Mame.
Customer: Well I want the US price. Look! It's half the price!!
I Look
Me: Mame. Do you see that fancy looking L shape?
Customer: Yes. So?
Me: That is the symbol for the British Pound.
Customer: So? I want that price.
Me: That is the price in pounds sterling. Would you would like to pay in pounds? I believe the current exchange on the pound is something like 2.4 so just double for the Canadian price is very good.
Customer: Oh.

"Display Only"

A Customer comes up with dusty hardcover fantasy book.

Customer: I'd like to take this one, and I'd like to complain about the shabby condition of these books. It's all dusty and torn.
Me: I'm very sorry about that Mame. I'm not sure what happened to it.
Customer: Well it is just awful.
Me: Again I'm very sorry, I'll make sure it's taken care of. Where did you get it from?
Customer: It was on top of one of the shelves.
Me: On one of the top shelves?
Customer: No it was on Top of the shelves.
Me: It was on the very top of the shelving unit? With all of the display pieces?

We have some old hardcover books that have been glued together to make some interesting decorations for the tops of the shelves that are too high to use for displaying regular stock. It dawns on me what she's done.

Customer: Yes.
Me: How did you get it down?
Customer: I took one of the stools.
Me: You took one of the stools that say "Store use only. Do Not Use" and used it to take down part of the glued together display pieces that say for "display only" off of a 9 foot tall shelving unit?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Umm. And you don't see what's wrong with this?
Customer: No, I'd like to buy this book and it's dusty and torn.
Me: It's a display piece. It was glued to the top of a shelf that's why it's torn and it's really not for sale.
Customer: Oh

I'm fairly certain that most of these people do in fact read. Books even. Why they can't read signs like "Do Not Use", "Display Only", "Fiction", "Washrooms" I may never understand.

I don't want to know

Customer: I'd like to borrow this book. (He has the book slightly hidden by his hand on the counter)
Me: uumm. We're a bookstore Sir. We only sell books. You can't borrow them here.
Customer: I don't want to buy it. I'm only going to need it for tonight.
Me: I think you need to try the library Sir.
Customer: They don't have this there.
Me: I'm sorry Sir we only sell the books.
Customer: Well what's your return policy then?
Of course now I know he's planning on taking it home and bringing it back tomorrow after he's read whatever he wants out of it.
This is also when I really look at the book he has in his hands. TICKLE HIS PICKLE! : Your Hands-On Guide to Penis Pleasing.
Me: I think you're missing the point. We sell books here, you can't just take it home and read it and bring it back. It's not okay. Besides which, I really think you'll want to spend more than one night with that. For less than twenty bucks it's probably good bang for your buck.
Customer: (Has decency to blush) Okay I'll just buy it.
I wrote "no return" on his receipt just in case.

The supply chain

Customer: What Bookclub does the store belong to?
Me: I'm not sure what you mean?
Customer: (Snotty) You know. Book club. Like the Doubleday book club. What book club does the store belong to?
Me: We don't belong to any book clubs.
Customer: Well you have to belong to one of them.
Me: We really don't belong to any book clubs.
Customer: (Snotty) Well, where do you get your books from then?
Me: We buy them from all the different publishers directly.
Customer: Stores can do that?
Me: Yes.
Customer: Oh.


I love how people can get quite rude with you when they're not prepared to hear that they're wrong.

Maybe I am psychic

Customer: I'm looking for a book.
Me: What book were you looking for?
Customer: I don't know. My sister said it was good though.
Me: Okay. Do you know the title or the author?
Customer: No. She said it was good.
Me: Okay, we have a lot of good books. What was it about?
Customer: I don't know.
Me: So you don't know the title, the author or what it's about?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Is there Anything you know about it other than your sister said it was good?
Customer: It had a chicken on it.
Me: It had a chicken on the cover?
Customer: Yes.


I kid you not. This happened. The amazing part being that I found that book for the customer. It was A Complicated Kindness by Miriam Toews.

High Expectations

Customer: I'd like to schedule some computer lessons.
Me: I'm sorry, we don't have computer lessons.
Customer: Well you sell computer books.
Me: Yes?
Customer: Then you should give lessons.
Me: Umm. Well we don't. You could check with the local computer stores I'm sure they know where you can get computer lessons.
Customer: This is disgraceful. You sell computer books you should give lessons. (leaves in a huff)


We also sell books on painting, animal husbandry, toilet training, gardening, foreign languages, golf just to name a few. Thank goodness no one has come in expecting lessons in swahili. Yet. Knock on wood for me.

Passing Passing Passing

Sometimes people just walk up to us in the middle of the store and start talking. This was one of those.

Customer: You know what you guys should have?
Me: What's that?
Customer: Guitar strings.
Me: Huh?
Customer: You should sell guitar strings.
Me: We're a bookstore.
Customer: Yeah. You should sell guitar strings. The music store ordered my guitar strings and they took forever.
Me: And you think that a bookstore is going to get your guitar stings faster?
Customer: Yeah.
Me: Okay. Umm. Thanks for that recommendation, I'll pass that along.


Really? I'll get right on trying to source guitar strings faster and my goodness they'd better cheaper than the music store... Uh huh.