Cust: I'm looking for the new Stephenie Meyer book.
Me: Okay, the newest one was a short story based on one the minor characters I think. It's been out for quite a while though.
Cust: No. I'm looking for the new one. It should be out now. It's called Midnight Sun.
Me: Midnight Sun has never been published. That's the one someone basicly stole and distributed around the internet a few years ago. She's never actually released it though. We don't know yet if she is going to ever put it out.
Cust: NO. It's out and you should have it.
Me: Okay. Well we don't then. I guess you should look some place else.


Well I guess we just suck. We should TOTALLY have that book that doesn't exist here front and centre on display for you teenage vampire romance freaks. (I'm getting crankier in my old age I think)

Why would you argue with me?

Customer: I'm looking for the new Craig Oliver book.
Me: Sure. Oliver's Twist.
Customer: No. The new Biography.
Me: Craig Oliver's new biography is called Oliver's Twist.
Customer: No. The one that was just on Canada AM.
Me: Okay - I don't know what book it could be then. As far as I can tell there is only one Craig Oliver and his new biography is called Oliver's Twist. I'm sorry but I can't be much help if that's not the book you are looking for.
Customer: Fine I'll look someplace else.



Okay. You do that. Maybe someone at ultra-mega-super-mart where they sell everything cheap but don't have a clue about anything they sell can help you find the non existent book.

Yup. I'm Cranky today.

This is why real booksellers still have jobs

Cust: My friend told me I have to read this book. She said it's the best thing she's ever read. It's a true story about a nun who has Siamese twins.
Me: Okay, did she give you the title?
Cust: I don't know what's it's called but everyone's reading it.
Me: Okay do you know anything else about it?
Customer: My friend just loves it. The title has the word glass in it.

Okay, I was able to guess what book it was. Vague plot references are my specialty I guess. It does prove that my rule still holds though, if the customer "knows" three things about a book they're looking for, at least two of those things will be wrong. :)

The book is about twins (but not conjoined twins) it is fiction (not a biography) and the title was Cutting for Stone (notice no glass in that title)

Seriously?

Customer: Can I return this?

A man I've never seen before is standing there holding a game that we sell

Me: Sure, do you have the receipt?
Customer: Oh, I don't have a receipt. I won it as a door prize this weekend at the ********* fundraiser.
Me: You won it?
Customer: yup.
Me: And you want me to return it?
Customer: Yeah. I can't figure it out so it's no good to me.
Me: I'm afraid I can't return anything with out a receipt. Perhaps you could donate it to the Literacy Council or the Salvation Army or something?
Customer: But it came from here. It had your business card on it.
Me: That would be because we donated it to the *********. You can't return it. No one paid for it to begin with.
Customer: So you won't return it because I didn't buy it?
Me: That's generally how it works. That's why we need a receipt.
Customer: Your service sucks!

Why we bother to put up signs I don't know.

We're getting ready to have an author in signing their book. We have a little area with a table and a comfy chair set up for him. There is a sign taped to the chair with the details of the signing which starts in less than half an hour.

A lady comes in and takes the sign off the chair and sits down with her coffee.

Co-worker: Excuse me, I'm sorry but can I get you to please move over to one of these other seats? This one is reserved for the author who is coming to sign in a few minutes.
Cust: Oh. Sorry I didn't realise.
Co-worker: (confused) but you moved the reserved sign that was taped to the chair?
Cust: Oh, is that what it was? I didn't actually READ it.


Yup. My forehead is starting to make a dent in my desk.

Do I look Untrustworthy?

Cust: I have a book in, you guys called me.
Me: Oh ya, right here.
Cust: But I ordered two books.
Me: It looks we're still waiting on one.
Cust: But I ordered them at the same time.
Me: Sometimes that happens. Especially if they come from different publishers. We can wait to call until everything is in if you prefer. We usually like to let you know as soon as something is in in-case you needed it.
Cust: Fine. I'll this one then.
Me: We'll call you and let you know as soon a the other one arrives.

No problem right? Fairly standard customer interaction? Yup. Until a few minutes later she goes through the entire thing AGAIN with a co-worker.
I guess she didn't believe me?

Be Nice Or Leave.

Co-worker: Good Morning
Customer: Hi there... the usual girl not in today?
Co-worker: ummm no, just me.
Customer picks up The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest
Customer: Do you have this in paperback?
Co-worker: No, it's not out yet.
Customer: Yes it is. I saw it at Wal-Mart
Co-worker: Mmmm, I'm pretty sure it's not out until September.
Customer: Do even you know how to work that thing? (gesturing toward the computer)
Co-worker: Yes I do.

What I would have liked to say to this guy:
Unless Wal-Mart printed their own bootlegged copies you didn't see it there in paperback. Perhaps you were in another country? On crack? Or Magic Mushrooms? Also, please tell me where you work so I can go there and act like a jerk and question whether you know how to do your job....