Friday, December 24, 2010

Maybe if I knew you.....

Customer: You recommended a book last year and my daughter really liked it. I'd like the second one in the series for her this year.
Me: Great. What series was it?
Customer: I don't know.
Me: Oh, okay. Do you remember anything about it?
Customer: No. But you recommended it.
Me: Okay. Was it a children's book or an adult book?
Customer: It came from over here.

She waves her arm at the whole fiction section

: Okay. Was is historical or funny, or romantic?
Customer: I don't remember anything about it.

I don't even remember you, let alone the book I recommended last Christmas......

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

It's gonna be a loooonnnggg day

Customer: Do you have a public washroom?
Me: Yes it's right over there.

I point to the washroom which is visible from where we are standing

The one in the back with "Employees Only" on the door?
Me: Umm... No, the one with the sign that says "Washroom"

The one you can see. From Here. That I am Pointing At.
That says that it is the washroom on the door... It should not be that hard.

I may have the bah humbugs on today.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

I'll keep working on that brain power

Cust: Do you have the books they sell at the farmer's market?
Me: I'm not sure. What books are they?
Cust: The ones they sell at the farmer's market.
Me: I'm afraid I just don't know what books they're selling at the farmer's market.
Cust: You don't?
Me: Sorry.

I would like to be omniscient. Not this week. Maybe next?

Friday, December 3, 2010

It happens.

Customer comes up and slams a book on the counter she then begins to yell.

Cust: How can you have this and not the others?
Me: Pardon?
Cust: You have 3 and 5 but not 1,2, or 4. How can you do that?
Me: Umm... because someone bought those ones? I'm sure there are more coming. I can call you and let you know when they're in if you'd like.
Cust: You let them buy just those ones?
Me: Yes. If those are the ones they want.

The crazies are out boys and girls. Watch out.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Really? Oh?

Customer: Do you have the third Chronicles?
Me: Sorry? The third Chronicles?
Customer: Yes
Me: Okay, the third chronicles of what? Kane Chronicles, Chronicles of Narnia, Underland Chronicles, the Elsewhere Chronicles?
Customer: THE Chronicles books.
Me: I'm sorry I just don't know which one you mean. Do you know the title of one of the first two?
Customer: Chronicles One and Chronicles Two. Then she makes that huffing sound that generally precedes some kind of negative comment about my competence
Me: Okay, can you tell me what they're about? I can narrow it down that way.
Customer: They're history books. About the area. The Newspaper says you have them.

Aha Moment! There is a little local museum that has self published these local history books and they're scheduled to put out a third one. Of course they haven't actually told us when they'll be out or dropped any off (because it's winter and they're closed they don't answer the phone now until April)

Me: Okay, I know which one you're looking for but I'm afraid they havn't delivered them yet. We're still waiting for them.
Customer: But it says in the paper that you have them.
Me: Well I'm not sure why they'd say that before they dropped them off but maybe that means they're going to deliver them soon. I can take your info and let you know when they arrive.
Customer: I've already done that. But you didn't call.
Me: We don't have the books yet. We won't call you until they're here.
Customer: Oh

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Dazed and Confused?

Customer: This isn't the book I ordered.
Me: Oh. Let's see what's up.
Customer: I should have two books, one called Mckettrick's Christmas and one called A Creed County Christmas.
Me: OK I'll take a look here in the computer and see what happened.

I look and see that The Christmas Brides (which is the book we have for her) is actually two stories, Mckettrick's Christmas & A Creed County Christmas in one book. So I explain this, and then I explain it again... and again.... this is what it sounds like the fourth time or so...

Customer: That's not right. It said Mckettrick's Christmas & A Creed County Christmas in my other book.
Me: Those are the names of the two stories in this book. Maybe they thought they were going to release them as two separate books and didn't. I'm not sure.
Customer: Fine. I'll take this one but I want you to keep looking for the other two.
Me: OK. If I find them I'll let you know.

I totally get why this is confusing. The first two times I explain it. In any case, I'm happy to help you buy them as two extra volumes when you already have them in that one book if I can. Happy to help.

Monday, November 8, 2010

So you'd like it NOW?

Customer: Do you have The Polar Express and the Velveteen Rabbit in stock?
Me: I think so, let me check the computer. We've got lots of The Polar Express.... I'm checking on the Velveteen Rabbit.

At this point the husband comes over

CustHusband: Do they have them?
Customer: She said they have The Polar Express but it would be NICE if she got it.

WOW. REALLY? Holy give me a moment. I'm Still looking for the stock for the other book it's not like I've abandoned them after saying yes there's one somewhere here in the store you go find it Mawahhahahaha.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Stubborn doesn't always mean right.

Customer: I'm looking for a silver book by some guy who's Norwegian.
Me: How about Stieg Larsson's The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest?
Customer: Is he Norwegian?
Me: No. He was Swedish but the book is silver and very popular so it's probably the one.
Customer: No. I need the silver book by the Norwegian guy.

Needless to say we didn't find it.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Giving tourists a bad name

Customer: Do you have learn Spanish sets?
Me: Sure, over here.
Customer: Oh, these have cds?
Me: Yes, most of the sets come with a cd and the books. That way you can hear and see the lesson.
Customer: Oh, I don't need to hear it to learn it. I'll just know.
Me: Okay. I guess you don't need a set then. These are all the Spanish / English dictionaries here.

Okay then.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Phone Etiquette?

I answer the phone:
_________ Books. _______ Speaking.

I hear:
Never let me go.

I say:
Pardon me?

I hear an woman say in the rudest possible way:
Do you have the book about the movie Never Let Me Go or not?

I say:
We are out of stock but we have more coming in this week.

I hear:

Can we make phone etiquette a mandatory class in high school? PLEASE?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


Have you ever noticed that it's always the people who go on ad nauseum about how dangerous it is for them to be in a bookstore and how much they read and how many books they have that are always the ones who leave without buying anything? Usually after they've followed you around the store for half an hour barely taking enough time to breath as they talk and talk and talk and talk......
Not that that just a happened. Excuse me while I go lock myself in a quiet room for a few minutes...

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I see your logic but no.

Customer: I need an English/French dictionary.
Me: Sure not a problem.

I lead the customer over to the dual language dictionaries

Me: Here you are. There are quite a few to choose from.
Customer: These all say French/English dictionaries. I need an English/French dictionary.
Me: French/English or English/French it doesn't matter they're the same.
Customer: But how can I use a French/English dictionary if I don't already know French?
Me: They all have both French to English definitions and English to French definitions. Otherwise, you'd have to buy two books to make it work.

At least she had some fairly decent logic to lead up to her confusion....

Friday, August 27, 2010

I weep for our school system

Cust: Do you have a photocopier?
Me: Not really no. Why?
Cust: I want to photocopy this book so I don't have to buy it.
Me: What? You want me to photocopy the book?
Cust: Well not the whole book, just most of it.
Me: Ummm, you know that's not okay right?
Cust: Oh no, it's fine. I'm a teacher. I can photocopy anything.

After standing with my mouth agape for a moment.... (and I'll admit maybe not one of my best days)

: I'm pretty sure you're only allowed to copy up to 10% out of any particular book for classroom use. However, that's not really the point. Asking me to photocopy it here, in the store, so you don't have to buy it? Wow. Now would you like me to ring that up for you or are you finished here?

Monday, April 19, 2010

Dead. As in not writing any more.

Customer: Do you have any more David Eddings books since the elder gods / younger gods series?
Me: I'm afraid that was the last thing he wrote before he passed away.
Customer: Yeah I know but I wonder if there's a new book?
Me: Since he died?
Customer: Yeah.
Me: uummmmm..... no. Maybe I can recommend another author?

Friday, February 26, 2010

Why doesn't it apply to you?

A woman stops at our door and looks at the signs.

On of which is a NO PETS sign.

She then comes in with her dog.

Woman: Oh is it okay if he comes in?
Me: No. I'm afraid not.
Woman: What if I carry him?
Me: Nope. Still not okay. It's a health unit rule because we have a coffee area.
Woman: Oh, I'll carry him in my bag then.
Me: I'm afraid he has to stay outside. We really need to follow the health unit rules.
Woman: But it's cold outside.
Me: I'm sorry there's no winter exemption to the no pets rule.
Woman: Oh. Do you have (names some band) on cd?
Me: No, I have audio books on cd and the odd local band but we're not a music store.
Woman: Oh. Do you have decaf coffee?
Me: Yes.
Woman: Is it instant?
Me: No. All of our coffee is brewed.
Woman: (In a Huff) Well. I thought I'd try this place. (and she leaves.....)

Seriously? Unless your dog is a seeing eye Chihuahua we're not risking having one of the health unit inspectors wander in while you're here. Sorry.

Friday, February 19, 2010

The days I worry for my job

I overhear two people talking in the store after I chatted with them and recommended an author that the one might like.

Person 1: This looks really good.
Person 2: Don't buy it here. You can save lots if you buy your books online.
Person 1: But I like being able to come here and look and talk to the people and stuff.
Person 2: So? Come here and look and then go home and buy it on line.

Person 2 comes up to the cash.

Them: Who do I speak to about a donation?
Me: You can speak to me.
Them: Oh. My son's school is having a silent auction to raise money for their band trip. Would you donate something we can auction?
Me: Do you have letter or something? Leave it with me and someone can check back in a few days.
Them: Okay. thanks.

Then they leave.

Never mind that people, real live actual HUMANS work in this store and need to actually get paid. Never mind a hundred other reasons why the go take advantage of the local store's investment in a real live place to look at books and then buy online thing is a terrible idea. Never Mind ALL of that.

But to say that and then turn right around and ask them to donate something????

I wonder how much that online company donated last year in this town? I think a very safe bet was probably ZERO.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Around and Around

Customer: I'd like to order a book
Me: Okay, what book would you like to order?

The customer tells me the book and I look it up. It's not really old but it has gone out of print.

Me: I'm afraid it's out of print. I won't be able to order it. You should check with the used bookstore though, they may be able to get you a copy.
Customer: But it's not very old.
Me: Nope, it's not very old but it has got out of print already. It just means that I can't order it new from the publisher. There are probably lots of copies out there that the used store will be able to find for you.
Customer: But there are lots of older books you can buy. Not all the books on the shelf are new.
Me: They're not necessarily newly written but all our books are new books. We buy directly from the publishers so if something is out of print we can't get it anymore. It doesn't mean that a new book wasn't written a long time ago, it's just that this particular copy has not ever been sold before.
Customer: So you don't have any books that are old.
Me: We don't have books that are used. We do have books that were written a long time ago.

You can see the repetitive circle we went around and around and around in....... I'm not sure if you ever understood what I was saying or if I ever answered her question.....

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Hard to Help

Customer: Do you have any books about secret societies?
Me: Sure.
Customer: I'm looking for New Age books.
Me: Okay.

I show her a section with a number of "New Age" authors with some titles about secret societies.

Me: There are some here. Let me know if I can help you find anything else.
Customer: Well I don't want any of these ones.
Me: Um Okay?
Customer: You have Sylvia Browne here. She's just a big fraud. Michael Howard, I've never heard of him or Mark Stavish.
Me: Okay. Were you looking for a Specific book then?
Customer: No. You just don't have anything.

Please note she hasn't actually LOOKED inside or at the backs of ANY of these books or any of the others...

Me: Okay, perhaps you'd rather see more of the history like ones. They're over here.
Customer: NO. New Age. I like New Age stuff. You don't have very many new age books about Secret Societies for a new age store.
Me: Umm, we're not a new age store. This section you're in is the new age section. The rest of the store is other stuff......
Customer: Oh. You really don't have much stuff on secret societies.
Me: I guess not. I'll let you look at these, let me know if I can help with anything else.

She didn't even look at any of the books on the shelf and left.

.........?? I have NO idea.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Oh the holy grail of cheap

This is a woman doing a survey for a local group on the phone:

Non-Customer: You know I always come to all your free children's events. I bring the kids for the free cookies and hot chocolate and the books you give away and stuff.

Me: Oh yeah? That's nice. I'm glad you enjoy our events.

Non-Customer: Oh yeah, they really like the story times.

Me: That's great.

Non-Customer: I never buy anything from you guys though. I buy everything at W**Mart. It's Cheap. They don't have very many books though and they don't have events or nothing. Not like you guys.

Me: Uhuh

....But they're Cheap.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Save me please from the "cheap at all cost"people.
Did anyone else see the movie Wall-E?

Saturday, January 9, 2010


Customer brings a children's book up to the front.

Customer: This book was in that pile back there.
Me: Yes?
Customer: It's upside down.
Me: Oh? Okay, may I look at it?

I take it and look at it - sure enough the cover has been attached upside down to the pages.

Me: Yeap, it sure is upside down. I'm sure they're not all like that, would you like me to get another one for you?

In the meantime they've picked the book back up

Customer: Well, why is it upside down?
Me: I'm not sure. Stuff like that happens sometimes.
Customer: Well that's no good.

She starts to walk away with the book.

Me: Oh, may I have that back please?
Customer: I was going to but it back.
Me: I don't want to put it back in the pile.
Customer: Why not? That's where it was.
Me: Yes, but it's printed wrong. We don't want to just put it back out on the floor.
Customer: Why not?
Me: Well, did you want this one?
Customer: No. I was going to get another one that's not upside down.
Me: Precisely.
Customer: I don't get it.
Me: Umm... there's something wrong with the book, we're not going to put it back out there for sale knowing there's something wrong with it.

Clueless. Just Clueless.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Give me strength....

Customer: Does this book come with a cd?
Me: Yes it does. It has a copy of the audio book included in each hardcover.
Customer: *RUDE* Pft.. But does it have the movie?
Me: Umm no, just the audio book and the book itself.
Customer: Okay I want to look at it anyway.
Me: Sure. Here you are.
Customer: The cd's in the Front.
Me: Yes?
Customer: It's suppose to be in the back.
Me: Umm.. it's in the front in this case. They're all like that with this book.
Customer: Well they should be in the back. All the ones I'VE ever seen are in the BACK.
Me: Sometimes they're in the front and sometimes they're in the back... there's no wrong place to have the bonus cd.....
Customer: Well. I think they should be in the back so I don't want it.

Maybe I was a bad person in a past life?