Thursday, November 10, 2011

Why would you argue with me?

Customer: I'm looking for the new Craig Oliver book.
Me: Sure. Oliver's Twist.
Customer: No. The new Biography.
Me: Craig Oliver's new biography is called Oliver's Twist.
Customer: No. The one that was just on Canada AM.
Me: Okay - I don't know what book it could be then. As far as I can tell there is only one Craig Oliver and his new biography is called Oliver's Twist. I'm sorry but I can't be much help if that's not the book you are looking for.
Customer: Fine I'll look someplace else.

Okay. You do that. Maybe someone at ultra-mega-super-mart where they sell everything cheap but don't have a clue about anything they sell can help you find the non existent book.

Yup. I'm Cranky today.

Friday, October 7, 2011

This is why real booksellers still have jobs

Cust: My friend told me I have to read this book. She said it's the best thing she's ever read. It's a true story about a nun who has Siamese twins.
Me: Okay, did she give you the title?
Cust: I don't know what's it's called but everyone's reading it.
Me: Okay do you know anything else about it?
Customer: My friend just loves it. The title has the word glass in it.

Okay, I was able to guess what book it was. Vague plot references are my specialty I guess. It does prove that my rule still holds though, if the customer "knows" three things about a book they're looking for, at least two of those things will be wrong. :)

The book is about twins (but not conjoined twins) it is fiction (not a biography) and the title was Cutting for Stone (notice no glass in that title)

Thursday, September 15, 2011


Customer: Can I return this?

A man I've never seen before is standing there holding a game that we sell

Me: Sure, do you have the receipt?
Customer: Oh, I don't have a receipt. I won it as a door prize this weekend at the ********* fundraiser.
Me: You won it?
Customer: yup.
Me: And you want me to return it?
Customer: Yeah. I can't figure it out so it's no good to me.
Me: I'm afraid I can't return anything with out a receipt. Perhaps you could donate it to the Literacy Council or the Salvation Army or something?
Customer: But it came from here. It had your business card on it.
Me: That would be because we donated it to the *********. You can't return it. No one paid for it to begin with.
Customer: So you won't return it because I didn't buy it?
Me: That's generally how it works. That's why we need a receipt.
Customer: Your service sucks!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Why we bother to put up signs I don't know.

We're getting ready to have an author in signing their book. We have a little area with a table and a comfy chair set up for him. There is a sign taped to the chair with the details of the signing which starts in less than half an hour.

A lady comes in and takes the sign off the chair and sits down with her coffee.

Co-worker: Excuse me, I'm sorry but can I get you to please move over to one of these other seats? This one is reserved for the author who is coming to sign in a few minutes.
Cust: Oh. Sorry I didn't realise.
Co-worker: (confused) but you moved the reserved sign that was taped to the chair?
Cust: Oh, is that what it was? I didn't actually READ it.

Yup. My forehead is starting to make a dent in my desk.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Do I look Untrustworthy?

Cust: I have a book in, you guys called me.
Me: Oh ya, right here.
Cust: But I ordered two books.
Me: It looks we're still waiting on one.
Cust: But I ordered them at the same time.
Me: Sometimes that happens. Especially if they come from different publishers. We can wait to call until everything is in if you prefer. We usually like to let you know as soon as something is in in-case you needed it.
Cust: Fine. I'll this one then.
Me: We'll call you and let you know as soon a the other one arrives.

No problem right? Fairly standard customer interaction? Yup. Until a few minutes later she goes through the entire thing AGAIN with a co-worker.
I guess she didn't believe me?

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Be Nice Or Leave.

Co-worker: Good Morning
Customer: Hi there... the usual girl not in today?
Co-worker: ummm no, just me.
Customer picks up The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest
Customer: Do you have this in paperback?
Co-worker: No, it's not out yet.
Customer: Yes it is. I saw it at Wal-Mart
Co-worker: Mmmm, I'm pretty sure it's not out until September.
Customer: Do even you know how to work that thing? (gesturing toward the computer)
Co-worker: Yes I do.

What I would have liked to say to this guy:
Unless Wal-Mart printed their own bootlegged copies you didn't see it there in paperback. Perhaps you were in another country? On crack? Or Magic Mushrooms? Also, please tell me where you work so I can go there and act like a jerk and question whether you know how to do your job....

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

A Public Service Announcement?

I was informed by a member of our staff today:

If we can hear your car stereo from INSIDE the store when you're driving by you're not cool. We just think you're REALLY compensating for something....

She's one of those young pretty types that you boys with the loud cars are trying to impress as you cruise by... Just say'n.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Only 3 years later....

An apropos time to re-feature a post that generated a ton of traffic at the time.
By the way - It's really and truly coming tomorrow. As promised.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

You'd think the author would know

Customer: Do you have A Dance With Dragons by George R.R. Martin?
Me: No. I'm afraid it's still not out yet.
Customer: Yes it is. It came out last week.
Me: I know a lot of places had last week's date out there but it's not out yet. It's not even done being written yet.
Customer: You don't know what you're talking about. It's out.
Me: I was just on his website because I'm kind of a fan and I'm waiting for it too and he said he's still not done.
Customer: It's out. I know it is.
Me: Okay, well you go look for it someplace else then. We don't have it. Although, we will, as soon as it's actually out.

I'm getting a bruise on my forehead again. Why do people think that we would lie to them about something like this? Oh and I guess the author was either lying or doesn't know his own book is done. Uh Huh.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Another reason we're not the library

All the stores in our downtown, like every other downtown I've ever been to, have apartments above the main floor stores. Once in a while you can hear something from them, vacuuming and things that get dropped are the most common. It's by no stretch loud however.

Customer: What's that sound?
Me: It sounds like one of the people in the apartments upstairs are vacuuming.
Customer:Oh, can you ask them to stop?
Me: Um... not really.
Customer: Well it's bothering me.
Me: I'm sorry about that. There really isn't anything I can do about it. I imagine that they'll be done in a couple of minutes though.
Customer: Well, they really should know better than to make noise when you're open. You're a BOOKSTORE you know.

Whoa Nelly. I'm sure glad I never lived in the apartment above this guy. At least he knows what we sell though!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

That and we have "books" in the store name...

I look up to find a lady pressing her face against the glass of our front door. A few minutes later she comes in.

Me: Hello.
Lady: I'm just trying to find out what kind of store this is.
Me: We're a book store.
Lady: Oh.
Me:Let me know if I can help you find anything.
Lady: That explains the books in the windows and stuff.
Me: Yup.
Lady: Oh. Okay. Thanks.

I think we should change the store's name to Harry's Small Appliance Sales or something maybe THEN people will come in assuming we sell books?

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Holy deja vu Batman!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Times they are a chang'n

Older Woman: I'd like to speak to your boss dude.
Me: Umm? I don't have a boss dude.
Older Woman: (Snotty)You don't have a manager?
Me: No. I'm the manager.
Older Woman: I thought it would be someone older.
Me: And an man?

She Totally ignores me

Older Woman: I'm collecting donations for (someplace or another)
Me: Do you have something in writing? Leave it with me and we'll see what we can do. Someone can check back in a couple of days.

This is a post from 2008.
TODAY - This happened:

Customer: Can I speak to the Manger?
Me: Sure, what can I do for you?
Customer: I'm looking for the man in charge.
Me: Were you looking for one of the men here for something personal?
Customer: No, I'm looking for a donation for the _________ charity golf tournament.
Me: Okay, well you need to talk to me then.
Customer: There's isn't a man I can ask about it?
Me: Not if you want a donation....

And it's getting less and less likely at this point buddy.... WOW.

Monday, June 20, 2011

A case of the mouth working before the brain?

Background info:
We have a "crime novels" display window up. There are mysteries and true crime books in the window along with toe tags, evidence bags with bloody clothes and a knife and "crime scene" tape on the windows. Also a fake bloody hand print is dripping down the window...

Cust: Did you get broken into?
Me: Um no? Why would you ask?
Cust: Well there is crime scene tape and blood and stuff in the window.
Me: Nope. It's a mystery book display.
Cust: A What?
Me: A display of mystery and crime books? That why all the CSI stuff is in the window.
Cust: Oh. Why would you do that?
Me: Umm... to highlight some of the mystery books we carry?
Cust: Oh. I thought you got broken into and that was so people didn't touch anything.

Right. We got broken into and someone's blood is all over the front windows along with a bloody knife and the police just left it all laying there while I just work away here like any other day.....

Monday, June 13, 2011

I SWEAR I Believe you.

A customer calls the store.

Cust: "I bought this book and the cover says $9.99 but you charged me $10.99"
Me: "Oh. Let's see what happened. The computer has it listed at $10.99. So I'm not sure what's happened but if the Canadian price is $9.99 on the book and we charged you more we'll reimburse you."
Cust: "I'm not an idiot. It says $9.99"
Me: "Umm, I'm sure it does. If you bring it back in with your receipt showing that you were charged more we'll be happy to fix it for you."
Cust:"I'm not stupid you know."
Me: "I'm sure that you're not. As I said, if you bring the book back in with your receipt showing that you were charged more we'll be happy to give you back the dollar"
Cust: "Well why does it say $9.99 on it and you have $10.99 in your computer?"
Me: "I really don't know. Sometimes things go up or down when they reprint them and we miss changing them in the computer. These things do happen sometimes. I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, but we'd be happy to fix it for you."
Cust: "It says $9.99"
Me: "I believe you. Please bring it back in with your receipt and we'll give you back your money"

I'm willing to give the woman a dollar out of my own pocket if she'll just get off the bloody phone and come in for it!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Hating Monday

When I say "Hello" there are many appropriate responses. Looking at me dismissively and snorting is not one of them... It's looking like a long Monday.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I know that's not real right?

Coworker: Can I help you find something?
Customer: I'm looking for a true stories about someone's life. My mom told me about a one like Prisoner of Tehran... But I only like true stories, they have to be true.
Coworker: Okay - you want to look in this section here. (and leads her over to the biography & memors)
Customer: Oh, but I don't like biographies.

Ummm.... okay?

I ended up ringing this lady through for two Nicholas Sparks novels....

Monday, April 18, 2011

What do you think the V stands for?

Virginia Andrews IS V.C. Andrews.
She is.
I promise I'm not making it up.

Just spent FAR too much time trying to get this through to someone.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

We figured it out!!

Cust: Do you have the do it yourself kimping book?
Me: Kimping?
Cust: The do it your self kimping book.
Me: It doesn't ring a bell.. what is kimping?
Cust: My grandson wants it. The do it yourself kimping book.
Me: Ok - I can't find anything about kimping... What is it? A kind of craft or something?
Cust: I don't know he just wanted the orange book that's the do it yourself kimping book.

5 minutes later she says the word "diary"

THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID BOOKS is what she's after.
She was a very nice lady - just had NO IDEA what she was asking for.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Beacuse the health unit says so. THAT'S why.

WHAT is with people and their frickin dogs this week? The sign that says no dogs means you too. Really. Yes. You. It doesn't matter what size, shape, age, or type of dog you have. It doesn't matter what the weather is like. Unless it is a seeing eye or other service dog IT CAN NOT come in. Even for a few minutes.
Don't act like we're the ones who are being rude by telling you your hairy companion isn't welcome. We have that sign on the door for a reason.

My head may explode.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

We're Talking Pamphlet Material Here

Customer: Do you have a book about putting cedar behind a bathtub?
Me: Well we have a number of books about bathroom renovations and ideas. One of them might have something about that in them.
Customer: I'm looking for a book just about putting cedar around the tub.
Me: We don't have a whole book just about putting cedar around your tub. They might have a pamphlet about cedar at the building stores in town....

Monday, January 10, 2011

Why do people argue these things?

Customer: Why do you have this in the fiction section?
Me: Because it's fiction?
Customer: This is a true story. I saw it on the news. It should be in true crime.
Me: Ummm, I'm sorry sir, this is definitely a work of fiction.

I open up the front cover and show him on the copyright page where it clearly lists it as fiction

Me: It's a mystery about a murder case during WW2 where a man is falsely accused. But it's not a real case, it's made up.
Customer: I'm sure I saw this on t.v. - it's a real story and you should put it the crime section.