If you're going to be demanding try to get it right

When the US dollar value dropped like a stone last year many people thought that instantly all the prices they pay should change. We dealt with a lot of Nastiness over that.

But some of them REALLY didn't get it.

Customer: I want the US price on this book.
Me: We sell books at the Canadian price Mame.
Customer: Well I want the US price. Look! It's half the price!!
I Look
Me: Mame. Do you see that fancy looking L shape?
Customer: Yes. So?
Me: That is the symbol for the British Pound.
Customer: So? I want that price.
Me: That is the price in pounds sterling. Would you would like to pay in pounds? I believe the current exchange on the pound is something like 2.4 so just double for the Canadian price is very good.
Customer: Oh.

"Display Only"

A Customer comes up with dusty hardcover fantasy book.

Customer: I'd like to take this one, and I'd like to complain about the shabby condition of these books. It's all dusty and torn.
Me: I'm very sorry about that Mame. I'm not sure what happened to it.
Customer: Well it is just awful.
Me: Again I'm very sorry, I'll make sure it's taken care of. Where did you get it from?
Customer: It was on top of one of the shelves.
Me: On one of the top shelves?
Customer: No it was on Top of the shelves.
Me: It was on the very top of the shelving unit? With all of the display pieces?

We have some old hardcover books that have been glued together to make some interesting decorations for the tops of the shelves that are too high to use for displaying regular stock. It dawns on me what she's done.

Customer: Yes.
Me: How did you get it down?
Customer: I took one of the stools.
Me: You took one of the stools that say "Store use only. Do Not Use" and used it to take down part of the glued together display pieces that say for "display only" off of a 9 foot tall shelving unit?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Umm. And you don't see what's wrong with this?
Customer: No, I'd like to buy this book and it's dusty and torn.
Me: It's a display piece. It was glued to the top of a shelf that's why it's torn and it's really not for sale.
Customer: Oh

I'm fairly certain that most of these people do in fact read. Books even. Why they can't read signs like "Do Not Use", "Display Only", "Fiction", "Washrooms" I may never understand.

I don't want to know

Customer: I'd like to borrow this book. (He has the book slightly hidden by his hand on the counter)
Me: uumm. We're a bookstore Sir. We only sell books. You can't borrow them here.
Customer: I don't want to buy it. I'm only going to need it for tonight.
Me: I think you need to try the library Sir.
Customer: They don't have this there.
Me: I'm sorry Sir we only sell the books.
Customer: Well what's your return policy then?
Of course now I know he's planning on taking it home and bringing it back tomorrow after he's read whatever he wants out of it.
This is also when I really look at the book he has in his hands. TICKLE HIS PICKLE! : Your Hands-On Guide to Penis Pleasing.
Me: I think you're missing the point. We sell books here, you can't just take it home and read it and bring it back. It's not okay. Besides which, I really think you'll want to spend more than one night with that. For less than twenty bucks it's probably good bang for your buck.
Customer: (Has decency to blush) Okay I'll just buy it.
I wrote "no return" on his receipt just in case.

The supply chain

Customer: What Bookclub does the store belong to?
Me: I'm not sure what you mean?
Customer: (Snotty) You know. Book club. Like the Doubleday book club. What book club does the store belong to?
Me: We don't belong to any book clubs.
Customer: Well you have to belong to one of them.
Me: We really don't belong to any book clubs.
Customer: (Snotty) Well, where do you get your books from then?
Me: We buy them from all the different publishers directly.
Customer: Stores can do that?
Me: Yes.
Customer: Oh.


I love how people can get quite rude with you when they're not prepared to hear that they're wrong.

Maybe I am psychic

Customer: I'm looking for a book.
Me: What book were you looking for?
Customer: I don't know. My sister said it was good though.
Me: Okay. Do you know the title or the author?
Customer: No. She said it was good.
Me: Okay, we have a lot of good books. What was it about?
Customer: I don't know.
Me: So you don't know the title, the author or what it's about?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Is there Anything you know about it other than your sister said it was good?
Customer: It had a chicken on it.
Me: It had a chicken on the cover?
Customer: Yes.


I kid you not. This happened. The amazing part being that I found that book for the customer. It was A Complicated Kindness by Miriam Toews.

High Expectations

Customer: I'd like to schedule some computer lessons.
Me: I'm sorry, we don't have computer lessons.
Customer: Well you sell computer books.
Me: Yes?
Customer: Then you should give lessons.
Me: Umm. Well we don't. You could check with the local computer stores I'm sure they know where you can get computer lessons.
Customer: This is disgraceful. You sell computer books you should give lessons. (leaves in a huff)


We also sell books on painting, animal husbandry, toilet training, gardening, foreign languages, golf just to name a few. Thank goodness no one has come in expecting lessons in swahili. Yet. Knock on wood for me.

Passing Passing Passing

Sometimes people just walk up to us in the middle of the store and start talking. This was one of those.

Customer: You know what you guys should have?
Me: What's that?
Customer: Guitar strings.
Me: Huh?
Customer: You should sell guitar strings.
Me: We're a bookstore.
Customer: Yeah. You should sell guitar strings. The music store ordered my guitar strings and they took forever.
Me: And you think that a bookstore is going to get your guitar stings faster?
Customer: Yeah.
Me: Okay. Umm. Thanks for that recommendation, I'll pass that along.


Really? I'll get right on trying to source guitar strings faster and my goodness they'd better cheaper than the music store... Uh huh.

I'm not psychic

I'm checking on customers when I come across a rather confused looking man. This happens a lot in the computer section and we try our best to help people figure out what they need.

Me: Can I help you find something?
Customer: I'm looking for a book to help me with my computer.
Me: No problem. There are all kinds of books for that. Do you want help with the computer in general or a program?
Customer: I just want a computer book.
Me: Okay. What operating system do you use?
Customer: I just want a computer book.
Me: I know sir, we just need to know what kind of computer book is going to work for you.
Customer: A computer book.
Me: There are different kinds of computers and therefore different kinds of books. You don't have a Mac do you?
Customer: A what?
Me: A Mac - an Apple computer? It's a type of computer. No problem, if you don't know what it is you probably don't have one. You probably have a Windows machine.
Customer: I just have a computer.
Me: Is it new? Did you just get it?
Customer: Why are you asking me all these questions? You don't need to know if my computer's new to sell me a book. I just want a book to tell me how to use my computer.
Me: I'm just trying to figure out what book you need. As you can see (waving my hand at the shelves) there are quite a few different books on computers. If it's new you probably want something on Vista.
Customer: Listen. (Becoming Rude) I just want a basic computer book. I don't want anything special and I don't need to answer all these questions from YOU.
Me: Okay. (I randomly pick out a Vista for Dummies) This is a basic computer book.
Customer: Now was that so hard?
Me: (Biting my tongue) You have a nice day sir.

I found out later that he came back into the store to return the book. His computer was secondhand and quite old so he didn't have Vista and he was trying to figure out how to use some kind of software, not the operating system at all. I tried to help. Really I did. Some people don't want to be helped.

Photocopying

Customer: Can I photocopy here?
Me: No, I'm sorry we don't have photocopying services.
Customer: I can't photocopy the books?
Me: You want to photocopy the books?
Customer: Yes and just take the pages I want.
Me: No. You can't do that.
Customer: Really?
Me: Really.

Are we both speaking English?

Customer: What's the difference between these two books?
She points to both the mass market and tradepaper copies of a particular book.
Me: The only differences are the size and price of the book. The story is exactly the same; one is just smaller than the other.
Customer: Why?
Me: Why are they different sizes or why are they different prices?
Customer: Both.
Me: The tradepaper is bigger as you can see. That makes the print larger and the line spacing larger which makes it easier to read than the little pocket sized one. The little guy is little. It's easier to pack or carry around with you. The smaller one is less expensive mostly because it is so much smaller.
Customer: Okay. Well want That book in the small size.
The customer points at a totally different hardcover book.
Me: I'm afraid that particular book isn't out in the small size. It just came out in hardcover so It'll be a while before it's available in the little size.
Customer: Well order it for me.
Me: I can order it now for you for when it comes out that size but it's going to be more than a year.
Customer: I want it now.
Me: Well it's here in hardcover now. It's going to be just over a year before it's in the mass market size.
Customer: I want it in the little size now. Order it.
Me: I can't get it now. It's not out yet.
Customer: Well order it in.
Me: We're not going anywhere here. You can get this book in hardcover now. OR you can wait the year for the little size. That's it. Those are the two choices. I can not get that book in this size now.
Customer: Well. If you don't want me to buy it here fine.


My forehead is starting to hurt.

Help Me!

Customer walks into the store and looks around....

Customer: Woah... Man.... There's like books in here. Like lots of books. Woah man. Do people like read in this town?
Me Dumbfounded........
Customer: That many people like read? Like a lot of like books?
Me: Yes.
Customer: Woah...


Help me!