I only wish

Customer: So you have all the books right?
Me: Huh?
Customer: You have all the books that are out.
Me: Ummmm, we have a lot of them.
Customer: I'm looking for a book.
Me: Okay. We are a bookstore.
Customer: I'm looking for a particular book.
Me: That's often the case. What book are you looking for?

The customer tells me and I look it up and end up reserving a copy for him.
Nice enough; sometimes you can't help but laugh though.

Times they are a chang'n

Older Woman: I'd like to speak to your boss dude.
Me: Umm? I don't have a boss dude.
Older Woman: (Snotty)You don't have a manager?
Me: No. I'm the manager.
Older Woman: I thought it would be someone older.
Me: And an man?

She Totally ignores me

Older Woman: I'm collecting donations for (someplace or another)
Me: Do you have something in writing? Leave it with me and we'll see what we can do. Someone can check back in a couple of days.



I know times have changed and some people are not keeping up but wow. I'm not that young to begin with and "boss dude" who says stuff like that?

Vampires are like cool like you know?

Customer: Do you have the new Stephenie Meyer book "Thirsting for More"?
Me: Umm... I've never heard of that one.
Customer: It's the newest one.
Me: Ok. I have the four books in the Twilight Saga and I have The Host. I can't find any record of one called Thirsting for More.
Customer: It's listed right here on the back of my book.
Me: It's on the back of your book?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Is it above a line that says something like "check out the website www.somethingorother"?
Customer: Yes.
Me: That's a tag line to tell you to go check out the website. It's not a new book.
Customer: No, I think it's a new book.
Me: Trust me. It's not a new book. If it was you would not be the only person looking for it.

Why would I lie?

Customer: Do you have (some random books) in stock?

I type the author in the computer and pull up the store stock info

Me: I'm sorry, we don't have that in stock, I can order it for you.
Customer: Do you have anything by him?
Me: Not at the moment. We should have some more in the next few days.
Customer: Well can you look?
Me: I'm looking at the stock right now - it's on my screen.
Customer: You didn't even type anything. You didn't even check.
Me: Umm. It's here on the screen. No stock. I'm not sure what to tell you. I guess you didn't notice me typing....
Customer: You didn't even check.
Me: I'll type it in again if it'll make you feel better but there's still no stock.


Customer leaves in a huff....


I'm sure I could have handled that better but you know what truthfully, there are days I just don't want to be nice.

Canadians can be dumb too

Customer: Do you have the book by our new president?
Me: The Prime Minister?
Customer: No, the president, Obama.
Me: Sorry, I thought I heard you say "our"
Customer: Ya, I did. Our president. Barack Obama.
Me: Are you Canadian?
Customer: Ya.
Me: Ummm... you are aware that Barack Obama is an American right?
Customer: No. Really?

At this point I'm sure I'm being punk'd.

Me: We have a Prime Minister. Stephen Harper ring any bells?
Customer: Oh. Well have you got the Obama book?



...... Stop watching nothing but American tv people! Just stop!!! PLEASE!

How Much?

Customer: How much is this book?

I take the book, turn it over and read the price from the back to him.

The customer takes another book off the shelf

Customer: How much is this book?

I take the book, turn it over and read the price from the back to him.

The customer takes another book off the shelf

Customer: How much is this book?

I take the book, open the front cover and read the price from the back to him.

Sensing a pattern, I try to help the customer out a little.

Me: The prices are almost always on the back cover or on the inside of the front cover.

Customer: (Rude) I know that.

Me: Okay.

Customer: How much is this book?

I take the book, open the front cover and read the price from the back to him.

Then I decide that it is time for a "break" and I head for the back room, hoping this will break the cycle.

Nope.

What do I hear?

Customer: How much is this book?

Other Staff: It's here on the back - $19.99

This continued for about 15 minutes. Then the customer (and I use the term loosely as he never actually Bought anything) leaves.

Is there a breeding ground? Where to they come from?

I will not laugh

Customer: Do you have any psychic books for kids?
Me: Books about psychic children?
Customer: No books for kids.
Me: I'm not sure. I'll look.
Customer: I want to train my psychic 9 year old.
Me: Ummm OK.
Customer: You know. So she can use her powers.
Me: Ummm OK.
Customer: 'cause she's psychic.
Me: Ummm OK.


I KNOW I sounded like a customer - repeating myself over and over but what do you say to that?

Weird. Very Weird.

A customer picks up a book off of a large pile that are on display

Customer: Do you have any more of these in the back?
Me: I don't think so all we have left are out here or on the shelf.
Customer: Can you check.
Me: Sure. Do you need more than 12 or 13 copies (what's there).
Customer: No.
Me: Ummm... why do you need to know if we have more copies then?
Customer: I never buy anything that's been on display.
Me: Huh?
Customer: I never buy anything that's been on display.
Me: All the books are on display. That how you can see what we have.
Customer: Well I'd like this one but only if you've got one in the back.

Weird. Very weird. I know he can't see the back shelves from where he is so I tell him I'll go look in the back and snag a copy off the shelf as I go into the back.

Me: Here you go. This copy was in the back. (It was. I did take it back there briefly. So it's not exactly a lie)
Customer: Great.

Then he bought it.
Weird. Very Weird.
I wonder how he does his other shopping. "Can you get me some bread that's not on the shelf?"

Maybe they're trying to tell you something

An angry woman comes into the store with one of our bags. Never a good start.

Me: Hello. What can I help with?
Customer: I got this book and I want to return it.
Me: Okay, what was the problem?
Customer: My friend gave it to me and she KNOWS I don't read.
Me: Umm... maybe she thought you'd enjoy this one.
Customer: I do NOT read.
Me: Ummmm... OK. I'm sure we can return it.


I was afraid to ask for a receipt but luckily it was tucked into the book cover.
I know that loads of people aren't big readers but I'm not sure I've ever met anyone so angry about the fact someone thought they might like a book. I wish I could tell you it was some kind of anger management book 'cause that would be funny but it was just a novel.